God's Hand Made Creation

Guess I Will Just Hop Back Into The Swing of Bloggin'

2010-03-30T09:07:00.003-05:00

I remember doing this a while back... LOL!! It was theraputic when I did it.. So, I guess its better for me to blog than to hold it in. :) Happy Blogging :) Let's see what happens in this season...

M.I.A.

2009-09-02T16:48:00.002-05:00

And away we go.... :)

So much has gone on since March. Studio work, learning new duties at work, getting ready for school time again..... Lots to do with sooo lil' time. I have been in the cracks of the valleys and on mountain tops wondering when this whirlwind called life will take a minute or two and be still... NOT !!!! =)). Everyday I try to incorporate a "One Minute Prayer" to keep me calm and sane... And it has been working due to the fact that each prayer allows me to show every single emotion I have. Not just praying over the good things, but allowing to shed my anger, frustration, sadness, feeling alone...

Thank you Lord for allowing me to be who I am in the midst of trials and errors as well as victories and triumph !!!

Wonders sometimes.....

2009-03-25T10:08:00.003-05:00

Why people do the things they do, say what they say and then look at you and go, "What?"... You have every right to be who you are... but come on... no one should be subject to your mess.... I am around people who have the "DIVA" syndrome daily, and want you to be a part of it daily..... that is not cool in my book seriously.

Just had to throw that out there.....

Hmmmmm...

2009-03-16T15:37:00.003-05:00

Have you ever loved someone soooo much it made you cry??? And this person you have never seen before? But everytime you think of him/her, you heart melts and you begin to wonder what they are thinking, what are they doing........ Hmmmmmmm.... wondering why masks are still being worn due to fear of being mislead and having a broken heart. When will the fascades(sp?) end? When will you decide that it doesn't matter what others think about that individual....or that the only one that needs to be pleased because your heart is true is Jesus???? When will the transparent shield come down? Be proud of who God has molded you into, be thankful for the grace and mercy you have received from the Father who sooooooooooo lovingly and unconditionally gave it you. Stop hiding behind you intelligence and let you guard down. Trust the Lord... Trust the Lord... Walk in that "No Holds Barred" faith as you speak of..... :)

Today, reject human solutions and embrace God's solutions for your life by making Him Lord. Successfully ruling your personal life depends upon denying yourself, taking up your cross, and following Jesus. Remember, His yoke is easy and His burden is light......

Easing back into the Blog World... :)

2009-03-12T17:04:00.006-05:00

Hey Hey Hey !!! I am going to ease my way back into blogging only because it really is theraputic... There has been sooooo much going on with me that I don't know where to begin.. So, bear with me as I try to compile entries for you that make sense !!! ;)) I have been trying to keep up with everyone's world, but that seems kinda hard when yours is topsy-turvy !!! [-O<

More to Come !!!!

:)>-

Every Vote Counted.. The Momentum Shall Continue.....

2008-11-05T10:02:00.012-06:00

I said I wasn't going to have a blog entry on politics, but after last night and early this morning, I couldn't resist... The same tenacious, exuberating spirit we all have had during the 21 months of the campaign, the same rush of emotion that has gone into going into neighborhoods, communities to get the word out to vote. All of the text messages, emails and videos (love the one from CNN.com :x) that were sent to make sure your voice was heard... It worked !!! And history was made....<:-P...
But...... yeah I know.......

The hard works begins now... My prayer is that the American people will come together and show the world that we are one nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all !!!!

OBAMA !!!!!!!

Time Sure Does Fly By....

2008-10-28T09:02:00.008-05:00

I realize that I haven't posted since August.. whoa... Time flies when you are working, I have been here at my job for almost a year :-O (Nov. 1st) and I am truly, truly thankful for the situations, antics, fallouts, arguments, frustration that I have had in order to get closer to Jesus in the workplace. Blessed oil comes in real handy around here.... ;)) I have been frustrtated :-L, mad at the world, mad at people for the things that I did. But, no one has control over my actions, but me. I have learned to step back and re-evaluate situations without just making decisions emotionally. That is soooooo hard to do...

About this time last year, I was venting about what was going on in my world and where I was with it. And recalling the many blessings I have received since then. The Lord has revealed quite a bit in a year and I must say that I have been knocked on my face to pray. This situation is a lil more complicated, more complex than before...
***When you get a moment, please [-O< for you me***

I have been at my wits ~X( end about how to continue moving forward. Things are falling into place, and I am thankful that the Lord hasn't given up on me yet...

I sure hope that whatever the ultimate final decision is that I make, won't leave me without the people I need the most. I think that is my biggest fear. Well, off to work I go...:-"

Love you all :x :)>-,

Giving Props...

2008-08-22T11:46:00.003-05:00

Thank you to Kysha of Love's School, her blog is always on point. I have gotten a few tips from her that I have implemented on my blog. :D Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us bloggers !!! You go girl !!!! ^:)^

When you have time, go check Ms. Kysha out.. Her children and DH have a blast being a part of her blogging adventure....

Today's One Minute Prayer...for Thursday...

2008-08-22T10:56:00.004-05:00

Oh my gosh, I am already falling behind... [-O< Just pray for me... =))

Ok...Here we go:

Prayer for Healing (Wow !!!)

Scripture prayer is based on: 2 kINGS 20:5 This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.

Oh my... If you have ever read any of my entries of what has gone with my world in the last year or so, just from reading you will be able to understand why this one minute prayer opportunity is right on time for me.

Prayer: Lord, I have wept (and still do) in private, away from family, friends and loved ones that mean well. And you, my Heavenly Father, have seen my tears. All of the awkward, shattered, lonely expressions of pain and confusion that stumble from my lips and yet and still You (and You alone) have healed me. My prayer is whole when it falls upon Your gracious heart. Your answer is complete: You love me. You see me and will heal all of my brokenness. Whenever I have asked why, You have never turned me or my neediness away. You hold me close and show me Your heart.

Thank you for taking my pain, Lord. I have felt Your tears fall and I understand that they have healed me. I praise You Lord, for never letting me fall... Amen...

Today's One Minute Prayer...

2008-08-19T08:46:00.008-05:00

I think what I am going to do is share the one minute prayers I receive with you guys on Tuesdays and Thursdays.. That way I know I get my chance to spend some QT with the Lord in the mornings along with you...

So here is today's:

Rich with Redemption... My.. my....

Scripture prayer is based on: Ephesians 1: 7-8, In Him we have redemption through His blood, his forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding..

Prayer: Father God, keep me from being spiritually poor. Lord, in the material realm, I want for nothing. I have food to eat and a roof over my head. I have the means to care for my daughter and myself. You have even allowed me to taste in some instances, the luxury of abundance with the grace you bestow upon me daily. But I know it takes wisdom to accumulate spiritual riches. With Your guidance, I want to understand the many treasures of salvation. Your steadfast love satisfies me. Your grace inspires and leads me to wanting the spiritual riches you have for me. And it covers a multitude of my iniquities(Praise the Lord). Because I have chosen to be obedient, I am a wealthy child of Yours.... Amen.

Just thought I would share one of my most favorite pictures of my 1st grader... Wow..(I have a first grader !!!)

Introducing... Princess "D"... :)

One Minute Prayers...

2008-08-07T16:05:00.004-05:00

Ya know..

Sometimes I rack my brain trying to figure out a schedule for prayer time. Which of course, hasn't occurred yet. But I have started to do was.. knowing I have a FULL schedule, is take One Minute to pray. I love it when I get a lil bit of time in with the Lord and watch the rest of my day manifest in FULL !!!! Isnt that amazing.. You give just a little bit and the Lord gives a BOUNTY of blessing !!!

Embracing the Unknown... Wow... That is a mouthful in itself... This is something I have been battling with. I like my comfort zone. But I am coming to grips that this is not where the Lord wants me.. *** Grabbing water bottle**

Scripture prayer is based on: Psalm 25:4-5.. Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Prayer: Father God, You see all that takes place in my life. Knowing this gives me peace as I face transition. I exchange my uncertainty (oh boy) for Your promise of security. Open my eyes to the wonders of every turn, tangent, and seeming detour I come across. I don't want to miss a miracle by starting a new journey deteriorated by regret, pride. Father, I want to long for You. For the path You have carved out just for Jenn. Remove the rose colored glasses, the blinders from my physical and spiritual eyes so that I may see the beauty You created that surrounds me. I am eager to see what You have in store for me.. I love you Lord.. Amen

My Work, My Labor, My Endurance...

2008-07-31T14:58:00.011-05:00

The Lord gave me this scripture that I am going to share with you...Let me know what you think...

1 Thessolonians 1:3 says, I desire that these things will be remembered before You: my work produced by faith, my labor prompted by love, and my endurance inspired by hope in my Lord Jesus Christ.

All these things are crucial to walking on this journey of Christianity. Faith without works is dead..... Your labor is never in vain. And when you lay everything at the feet of the Lord Jesus Christ, you can run the race with endurance... :)

Love ya,

Sisterlocks...

2008-07-28T15:47:00.011-05:00

I am excited ya'll !!! When you get a chance, please check out my blog on my locks.. :) Tell me what you think... :) I am looking forward to seeing your responses !!!!

What's In A Name?

2008-07-25T09:45:00.002-05:00

I saw this post on Ro's blog and figured I would join in.. :)

First Name: Jennifer
Origin: English
Meaning: Fair one. Variant of Guinevere. In Arthurian Mythology Guinevere was Arthur's queen.

Middle Name: ????
There is no origin of my middle name other than its part of my great grandmother's name. :)

The verse to describe me:1 Thessalonians 1:3, Lord God, I desire that these things will be remembered before You: my work produced by faith, my labor prompted by love, and my endurance inspired by hope in my Lord Jesus Christ.

The verses (hehehe) that desribe who God is to me:Psalm 139:5 & 6, You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Psalm 46:1, God is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble.

Wow !!!! I liked doing that.. That was great !!! I guess I shouldn't feel so out of place after this, huh?

Out of Place...

2008-07-25T09:07:00.001-05:00

Have you ever been in an environment where you just felt like you didn't belong? Like you were the weirdo of the group? That is how I feel at this point of my life.

I know it is not whole lot, just thought I would share.....

Free At Last... Free At Last...

2008-07-23T10:55:00.002-05:00

Hello Hello Everyone !!!

I have sooo missed blogging.. Things have been just insane 'round these here parts. I guess I am actually earning my keep at the place of dwelling as far as work is concerned. :) I have more responsibilty now and its seemed a lil awkward, but I will manage. :) I will blog a lil more later... Got work to do... Love ya !!!

Reflecting....

2008-06-09T11:36:00.001-05:00

This is a post from a blog I began with my sister last year. The Lord allowed me the opportunity to go back and reflect.... Just wanted to share....

Friday, October 26, 2007

The First Time for Me...

When I truly allowed Him to speak to me was when I was preparing to be a mom. I knew my life before then was not the best. Oh My Word. I was living crazy. Was in a crazy, jacked up relationship and wanted out. I began journaling every night asking the Lord to talk to me. To breathe on me. To love me. To help me get to Him. Over the course of 2 months, my life went spiraling (what looked like)downwards turned upwards. The more things came to pass that He spoke to me, the more I wrote and talk to Him wanting,needing, desiring more. I pray that sooner (prayerfully)or later you would just take a few minutes to get to know Jesus for yourself. Not for your man, or your sister, but for yourself. Because if you don't, it will bite you in the butt later on in life. Not good.

The Lord spoke to me stating that I was indeed the apple of His eye, that I was His daughter with an inheritance that I wouldn't know what to do with because of the weight of it. Wow... I began to search my heart truly then only because He showed me that He was what I needed... it didn't really matter that I wanted it...The fact is that I chose Jesus. I chose life. I chose royalty.

When are you going to let Jesus wash your feet and drench your hair with the oil from the Alabaster box?

He is waiting,

Slipped Thru His Fingers.... This Time

2008-06-05T11:09:00.004-05:00

Have you ever wondered why the Lord allows certain things to happen (or not happen) in your life? Do you ever feel like nothing is moving around you? Like everything is at a standstill and all you really want is results from you fervent prayers?? Not that you are questioning His authority or power, but just wondering how come that particular lesson didn't get caught before it got to you...

**** Jenn thinking ****
I know for a fact that alot of what could happen doesn't because the Lord knows His children. He knows how much we can handle while calling on His name. I do know that "this too shall pass" in whatever season or which test I am in....

Father, I come before Your throne Oh Lord to cast my cares upon you. I don't know the outcome as of yet, but I know that You got this.... Show me how to let go and give You that last piece of baggage before I take off to my next destination of growth. I can't go to the next place with it. I have to leave and mean it. Your word says to give everything to You and let You handle it. I surrender, Lord. I surrender to You every single plan, thought, action that pertains to self glorification. I choose to follow Your word, I choose to follow Your heart when it comes to what's best for Jenn. I love you with every breath I breathe...

In your precious Son's name I pray, Amen....

Tears Like A River...

2008-06-02T10:42:00.007-05:00

Ya know, I knew it was coming. I knew it was going to hit me. I knew that soon, I would breakdown and cry sooo hard my eyes, head and heart would hurt.... My life is topsy-turvy and sooo many things ran through my head in a matter of 15 secs it felt like... I am glad that I got it out, but wow.... I didn't realize how much of what has been going on with my world I had pinned up in my 4'11 stature... And just when I felt like there was no hope for me, when I felt at my wits end, the Holy Spirit comforted me with something soo special that my sister sent me a while back...

HANDY LITTLE CHART -
God has a positive answer:

You say: "It's impossible" God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired" God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me" God says: I love you (John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 )
You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out" God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5- 6)
You say: "I can't do it" God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able" God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 )
You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: "I'm not smart enough" God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I feel all alone" God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

I got the chance to remember how much my Daddy loves me.. I had the opportunity to fall in love with Him on whole other level. I am in love with Jesus and He is in love with me. This chart is going to help reshape my thinking and outlook on things. How marvelous is it that we can cry til it hurts knowing that His arms are right there to hold us and love on us. I know without a shadow of a doubt that the decisions I have made thus far, haven't been wrong, that I am indeed good enough, that I am worth more than I think. Truth be told, I don't like feeling I am second or that I am not important enough to someone.

It was time for me to truly let go... It was time for me to readjust the color of my glasses and see clearly what's going down. And know that in time, with patience and endurance this race will indeed be won !!!

Love ya,

Short, Sweet and To The Point....

2008-05-22T16:34:00.004-05:00

I saw this today and this is where I am with my life. And I have to admit, these words are exactly what I have been looking for to sum up how I feel.. Wow !!!

Be who you are in the Lord and do what you feel is appropriate according to His word...Because those that matter...don't mind...And those that mind...don't matter."

"He meets you right where you are...His arms are stretched out wide for you to embrace Him"...J.T.

To Be or Not To Be (A Fit Mother)... That Is The Question....

2008-05-09T09:11:00.006-05:00

This question in my head is kinda quirky because I wonder if I am a fit mother. Will I ever be right to be someone's care giver, life saver, protector, nuturer..aka Mom. I am sure you are thinking... according to who? Society? Family, Friends?? That is what I ask myself quite frequently.

I know there are a whole lot of things I can do differently. I hope and pray that those things come with the help of the Lord and time. Being a mom doesn't come with complete instructions. What it comes with is: A relationship that is tested every second of every minute....your relationship with Jesus and with your child. And... it ain't no joke. I love being a mother to my princess, but I will not lie... It's one of the hardest duties that I have been called to do. And I know that I wouldn't change it for the simple fact that the Lord knew I needed this continual life lesson in human form to mold and shape me for the kingdom.

I know that it takes laying on my face and praying to the Lord God Almighty for guidance every step of the way... Here's to you all of your moms who feel like you don't matter, that you aren't the best.... Have a nugget for you to hold captive in your heart...

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH !!! The Lord will supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory !!! You are the apples of His eye. :) You mean more to Him than you mean to anyone else.. Allow Him to give you all of the tools you need to succeeed in this position of being mommy..

I am thankful for all of the mothers who have had a part of me becoming who I am especially the one who gave me life.. :) I praise God for a praying mama.. And who never stopped believing in me.

Happy Mommy's Day !!!!

Talk About Cleaning House... Ole Stuff Just Won't Do

2008-05-08T12:00:00.008-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling like everything around you flithy is clogging up your system? Or that the dust flying in the air is causing your allergies to flare?

Maybe it's time to get some spring/summer cleaning done? Let's go deeper, shall we? How about spring/summer cleaning your spiritual being? Do the things you incorporate into your life that are within "comfort boundaries" clog up your system? Do your "spiritual sinuses" begin to go haywire due to some dust in the air? In talking to my sister (bestest friend ever in life), the Holy Spirit advised me that in order to be refreshed, rejuvenated and ready for the next phase of this journey, I need to get rid of some things... All of the excess baggage, doesn't need to follow me the rest of my days.. :) Wow.. Look at God !!! I was wondering why my mind wasn't clear, why I was always looking for some type of "the right medicine" to get rid of this headache that just wouldn't go away. You know the kind that sort of lingers, goes away... comes back... lingers.. you get the idea..

I knew I was going to have to clean, but good gracious a life.... I didn't realize there was sooo much to clean.. Not just the right now, but the before right now **Jenn getting dizzy**.. That's quite a bit. But the wonderful part of that is, I don't have to do it all in one swoop. I can clean in stages, which is a blessing in itself.. :)

Lord,

You have been EVERYTHING I need since I can remember. Forgive me, Father for putting those things and people in my world before You and not getting rid of the garbage as I should have. Thank you that You are a God of protection, love, truth, soverignty, grace and mercy.. I come before You now, knowing what's at hand, and laying it at Your feet for me to not to worry about. Create in me in pure and gentle heart so that I may worship You freely and openly....

In Your Precious Son's name I pray,

Amen...

Well, I betta get to cleaning !!! See ya !!!

Blessings...

2008-05-07T10:36:00.004-05:00

Today is a special day for me. And I have received lots of love from the people that matter the most to me. :) You !!!

Thank you for all of your prayers, comments, nuggets of wisdom. It truly means alot when you know someone is standing the gap praying for you harder than you have been praying for yourself... :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !!!

Myspace Comments @ DazzleJunction.com

What Punctuation Are You??

2008-04-17T12:02:00.004-05:00

Jill posted this on her blogspot and I thought it would be kind of a cool just to see what I was....

You Are a Comma

You are open minded and extremely optimistic.
You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything.

You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests.
You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time.

Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to.
(But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.)

You excel in: Inspiring people

You get along best with: The Question Mark

http://www.blogthings.com/whatpunctuationmarkareyouquiz/">What Punctuation Mark Are You?

What Every (Married/Spoken For)Woman Needs....

2008-04-16T15:33:00.004-05:00

Isn't this great??? I got this from Abena's spot.. And thought it was too cute. Enjoy !!!

I am a May baby...

2008-04-16T12:07:00.005-05:00

I love it when I'm tagged.. Thanks Ro !!!

I am a May baby... Taurus it is...

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislikes being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

What's underlined is me, so true... wow.. :)

TAGGING RULES:
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving them a comment.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when yours is up!

The Twelve Months:

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Ok.... ***Jenn thinking*** Half of the people I know that blog have already been tagged... So I will just leave comments for those who care to enjoy the fun !!!

Jenn

And Again It Starts...

2008-04-15T16:17:00.011-05:00

You know, all of those mixed emotions that can either take you down or make you stronger... I am in the final stages of permanently seperating from my first love and even though this is has been one wild ride, the seatbelt isn't enough right now to hold me down and keep my heart safe.

Let's go thru all of the emotions shall we?

1. Angry - I am tired of everyone that has had comments speaking to me like they have lived where I have in this season and act like that there is just one side to this story. I didn't ask for this. I am like Rissa some marriages were doomed to fail from the get go....To me (and a few others), JD saw a cinderella story, I saw work .... When work got too hard, he quit and ran.. And he wants everyone to rally behind him to make me break. In previous posts, I have stated that I do know (and realize) nothing is too big or too hard for God. I know He can change anything, but that person who is "calling" out to the Master, needs to want it wholeheartedly (and sincerely) in their heart before anything will begin to move.

2. Sad- Again, I didn't want this, however.... *standing on a soapbox to be seen* my relationship with Jesus is FAR more important.. downright crucial to maintain than any other relationship at this point in my life... My heart is heavy because I know JD is a good man and can be whatever the Lord has called him to be. I know he can do what he sets his mind to and be successful. (too much like right)and I know I have been created to be a wife, mother, and all of that jazz... And right now, it seems to be not in the cards for Jenn.

3. Frustrated and Annoyed - I don't know why folks seem to think that because I have a "history" with them, that I should follow them to the lake of fire.... Are you kidding? My relationships with anyone else has nothing to do with the relationship at the forefront. I understand receiving Godly advice, wisdom and what have you... But, come on.. that is just another way to bully me. Not !!!!

4. Scared - I don't know what lies ahead, but you know what???? I have never been this close to the Lord and I don't intend on "joshin' it " up now. I am determined not to lose my Daddy in the midst of emotional baggage and unecessary dramatics. I have to be at my best for my daughter as well as for my family. The only way to do is that to battle with every single emotion and feeling that pops up. I am terrified, but I know I am safe in the arms of Jesus. That is why Psalms 91 rings true for me.

I eventually will come out of this sucky world, I don't like the feeling of it now, but I have learned that the sucky parts are for the peachy parts of your life.

I love every single one of you who keep up with me.

***I know I should blog more *** :)

Jenn

Nicknames... That Should Be Done Away With..

2008-04-15T12:43:00.005-05:00

I was talking to Ro this morning about a variety of different topics as usual ( I don't know how we keep up with all of it). And this particular subject came up...

How many of those nicknames did you just not like? For example:

Little Mama - I am 4'11 with my shoes off and I have a kid.. So that entitles you to call me little mama? I am just saying....

If you can think of any that just wear you out, let me know... I would love to hear about them...

Jenn

Wonderful Wednesdays...

2008-04-02T11:26:00.008-05:00

Ro and Jill I am going to revamp my ten things Tuesday to suit today... :) Let me see....

*Jenn thinking*

1. My precious mini me of a daughter - She is one of the most wonderful gifts the Lord could've given me. Ms. Pooh has taught her mom how to put and take care of others before herself. She has made me stretch to ends I never knew about. Especially when it comes to talking to the Lord about everything. And I do mean everything.

2. Family - I am truly appreciative of my family. I don't think they have a clue as to how much I adore them. They are my backbone when I need them. Got to love them !!! Thank you Lord for siblings, big brothers, uncles, cousins, aunts, second mothers, second fathers who are not ashamed of the Lord and are willing to share Him with me.

3. Sisterhood - I cannot and will not be able to function without my sisterfriends. We are sooo much alike in soooo many ways, its almost sick. I love that the Lord is putting more and more women (especially) in my life who are willing not to compete and just be themselves and love Jesus along with me.

4. Prayer - If I didn't have this going on in my life, where would I be? Somewhere behind a door with padded walls. Prayer is the best thing since sliced bread.

5. Life & Breath - I am glad the Lord allows do overs.. Good gracious !!!! I am glad He didn't let go when I wanted Him to. My life right now would not be the way it is if I hadn't decided to follow Him. It would be as society would have it to be. NOT !!! I am thankful for all of my trials, wrong decisions and mess ups.. It has made me a better person... YAY ME !!!!

6. My Business - I have been in the telecommunications business for quite sometime now and its really starting to jump off !!! And I am too excited about it. So with that being said, you can take a look at my website if you so choose. It is full of goodies !!!

7. Residence - Where I am is wonderful. I have somewhere I can call my bat cave if need be.. I have family not far away. I am where my life began.. Where I lay my head is pretty special to me.

8. Work - As much as the job can be a pain in the tooter (hehehe), I am thankful for every hour I get to use my talents here. I am learning quite a bit and it's wonderful to be a sponge.

9. Its Wednesday !!! Almost there.. (wiping the beads of sweat from my brow)...

10. Me - I am thankful to myself for making the choice to follow the Lord in getting myself off the ground, and starting over fresh. I am glad that pity party is over. It was starting to get boring.

I think I did it !!!

Jenn

Haven't posted...

2008-04-02T10:50:00.005-05:00

In a while, and I apologize for that. It's been a wild ride and I am glad my seatbelt is on fo 'sho. :) Lots of things have transpired around me and I feel the Lord's presence in ALL of it. I have been incognegro(hehehehe) for a spell due to me re-evaluating what's priority in my life where my little lady and myself are concerned.

In this season of the great '08 for me, I am learning not to hold my tongue about alot of things going on (**looking at Ro**) in my world and I have to be really honest here, it's difficult when I truly want to speak my mind and I can't at the time. I am learning how to be vulnerable to the Lord's voice when it comes to decision making regarding my life and others around me. You really don't realize how much your decisions.. good, bad or ugly really and truly effect those you are connected with until it happens. I had never quite grasped that concept truly until recently. (oh boy....)

I am also learning (catching my breath) that I should not and cannot let people make decisions about my life for me. If I do, then they have FULL access to my world.. Meaning they would have quite a bit of say so.... Oh my goodness... I don't think that would be a great idea... to say the least... I have to walk this path called life out for myself. But thank God, not by myself. I have some wonderfully, amazing and incredible prayer warriors (partners) in my life who are willing to hang out on the front line with me. And for that I am eternally grateful. :)

I hope this wasn't too much to start off April with.. I just felt the need to share. :)

Striving for Perfection in the eyes of my Daddy,

Jenn

The Newness In Me..

2008-03-14T16:56:00.005-05:00

There is this little girl inside of me that has decided to come out and play. And I love it. She is into bright beautiful colors, changing how she looks and dresses. She is too excited to be tipping through the tulips !! This little mama also loves to just be herself and not worry about who is watching. This little lady is free !!!

I felt in bondage for tooo long and now I have come out of my shell. I have never felt better in my years of claiming Jesus (Ro, you know what I mean):) Everyday, little by little, the Lord is strpping me of the those things that I cannot hold on to that aren't of Him. If I am to take my rightful place in the kingdom, then I need to dot my i's and cross my t's.. :) I am on a mission to make the Lord proud and please Him on a daily basis with my life.

It gets hard sometimes, but I know the end result is Greatness with the Father !!! If I make Him my everything, I have nothing to worry about !!! Isn't that exciting???? Just think, brick by brick, day by day you are getting closer to the Father by sowing yourself into His word and renewing your spirit faithfully which includes dying to self. If you change certain attributes about yourself such as your mindset, attitude, most importantly your character to be more like Christ, you have everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose !!! **dancing**

I am going to stop before I get to shouting foreal !!!

Love you all,

Jenn

Moving into God's Love....

2008-02-26T11:14:00.013-06:00

Is a wonderful thing to get into. I am learning what Daddy's love truly means in my life. The beauty of learning to grow in and accept His love is that I am seeing how tenacious He is with His love towards me as well as others. It's just simply breath taking to be able to say He does love me and understand it. After everything He did, he still continues to "rain on me softly when my leaves are brown".

All of the ways I can describe His love are:

Loving :)
Gentle
Sweet
Undescribable
Wonderful
Soft
Invigorating
Inspirational

God's love makes you want to be better for His glory as well as yourself. His love isn't self serving. As our love for one another shouldn't be. You want to change your mindset, your way of handling situations, your walk, your talk, how you communicate with others. Basically, His love makes you want to mature in areas of your life that you had never even thought about growing in !! Its wonderful !!! **getting teary eyed**

I love how the Lord is like a parent. In fact, He is one. He checks to make sure we have what we need and sometimes gives us what we want. And when we get too far off from His hand, we get sucked back into His arms before something crazy happens. Or sometimes He just lets us fall flat on our faces to realize that we need Him and no one can fill that empty space (void) like He can. :) I know I need Him more than ever now than ever before. Yeah, I do. I am glad that the Lord didn't (and hasn't) given up on me.

Love you all who have captured the essence of God's love for themselves. I am glad I have. And now I can truly chase Him to learn about Him and His word all the while, learn who Jenn is through the covering by the blood of my Daddy. :)

Rest, Step Aside and Let Go...

2008-02-25T09:38:00.012-06:00

I was told in a small, loving voice just recently..... Rest, Step Aside and Let go. I haven't talked about the scenarios (issues) that have been occuring in my life lately... All because I thought to some degree things were mellowing themselves out... NOT !!!!! :) I have learned that after you have done everything you could have possibly done, after you have exhausted just about everything you have (resources, time, etc...) the best thing to do is step aside and let God have it. Now, its time for me to rest. I have tried to make sense of the things that are going on.. But, at this stage in the game, I want my Daddy to take care of it. I don't want to do anything else to cause more issues to arise.

My wonderful sister sent me something so on point this morning. I am sooo glad she is in tune with the Lord's voice. :) I love her and my sister friend for life because of that very thing. The message from what my sister sent to me was to be rest assured in Jesus. Resting is not necessarily stopping. Resting can be done while you are doing. Make the most of your time and rest.

"For all who enter God’s rest will rest from their labors just as God rested after creating the world." (Hebrews 4:10, NLT)

I think I will adhere to what has given to me by one of His children and learn that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. :)

***********************************************************************************

Just a few questions..... Have you ever felt bullied into doing things you didn't want to do? Almost like someone is holding something you've done over your head and they won't let you forget it? Or how about if someone that has been in your life for a number of years often wonders why things in their life haven't changed and they state to you that they don't want to change, or want to be better for themselves....what do you do?

A Time To Heal....Confirmation

2008-02-13T13:38:00.008-06:00

In the midst of the healing process that is underway within me, I prayed and asked the Lord to show me how to forgive and let go of all of the pain, hurt and bitterness that I have. A good friend of mine did a blog entry about that very thing. Man, was that confirmation for me!!! It was a breath of fresh air as well. I hadn't quite swallowed that particular piece of the puzzle just yet. There were a couple of things he proceeded to write about that truly stuck out:

No matter the degree or level of pain you have to let go, forgive yourself, and forgive the person. Continuing to live in this poison of unforgiveness torments your life. The book of Matthew 18:23-25 teaches us when don't forgive people you get turned over to the torturer. Meaning in your thoughts you have hate or feelings of bitterness swimming in your mind. When you walk in forgiveness you help yourself.

How to forgive and let go:

1. Depend- it's very difficult to forgive when you are not depending on God. As the old saying goes "let go and let God". You must allow the power of the Holy Spirit to be in place. Don't do your own thing …….do it with God. Call on accountable others who can help you…. In John 20:22, 23 Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit" then he spoke about forgiving people. Ask God to breathe on you, so you can forgive those who've hurt you.
2. Decide- Make a decision today you will walk in forgiveness and let go. Chose to obey God and make a quality decision and God will heal your wounded heart (Matt 6: 12, 14)

3. Obey- God has called us to pray for our enemies, bless and not curse them
4. Don't hurt people because you are hurting
5. Control your emotions by not making emotional decisions that will have long term consequences.

There are more points, but I think what I have right here is where I needed to begin this journey of mine. :) I am certainly glad that I have realized that this is one of the main reasons why things haven't been unraveled in this season of my life. I haven't allowed the Lord to work on me as I have prayed for. Because it's a two way street. I can 't expect the Lord to do His thing, if I don't put forth a hearfelt, sincere effort on my part. I am again glad that the Lord has given me the opportunity to strive to be better for Him. I am thankful for the forgiveness of those whom I have hurt. I am sooo thankful that I have a chance to get my love relationship back on track with my Daddy.

Lord,

You do things that I can't even begin to understand. But I trust You with my life. I give to you everything I have because You alone can fix me up and make me whole again. Make me over, Lord. With your help, I can do anything. Remove all of the impurities that affect my ability to worship and serve You. You are worthy of all of the glory, honor and praise !!! In Jesus' name. Amen.

Thankful Thursday....

2008-02-07T17:04:00.001-06:00

This is my first thankful Thursday. And I am sooo thankful for (drumroll please..):

For my relationship with Christ!!!. I am so glad he didn't give up on me.
My daughter. She was the first piece of the puzzle that started the process of me drawing closer to the Lord. And I am glad of it.. She pushes me to be the best I can be even though she doesn't realize it (at least I don't think she realizes it).
My family. Wow!!! I know God does things for a reason and I am honored, priviledged to have been put into the family that I have. Each and every one of my siblings are special to me and I love them more and more each day !!! My extended fam: especially my godfather and godbrothers... They are true men of God who have helped me try to understand better a man's perspective on life while chasing the Lord.
My bestest sister friend ever in life... Oh my word is all I can say. She helps me even when I don't talk to her. The Lord allows me to recall conversations that we have (which is quite often) and it keeps me held accountable for the decisions that I make on a daily basis.
My job. It came about in a really interesting way... but God's ways aren't the obvious. And so, I am thankful because He has given me what I need for such a time as this !!! :)

That's all I have for now, stay tuned for more of... Thankful Thursdays... same bat time, same bat channel... :)

This Position... A Time To Heal

2008-02-04T15:53:00.001-06:00

This entry is based on comments I received on 'scars'... The one thing that I want to do and am aiming to do is take the proper time to get myself together and realize that this was (and still is) a gigantical storm. I never wanted to dust myself right off and get right back out there.. Heaven's no. That would be insane. Plus, the baggage left over would just be packed right on in the next go 'round. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

The first thing I have done (and what I am continuing to do) is I have prayed, fasted and have asked for confirmation on the steps that I have taken thus far. I asked for forgiveness of what I have done and what I haven't done. I have forgiven those who I feel have hurt me in some kind of way. And at this stage in the game... I have also asked if the decisions I have made been acceptable and if they have not, I asked to be shown.

The second thing is to take care of myself (foreal). I have begun this year, to take at least an evening to myself and do things that Jenn likes. If that is being selfish, well then I need to be for myself. It would seem to some that I am always doing things for myself, when indeed I am not. If I don't learn how to enjoy myself then I won't be ready to enjoy anything or anyone else. If I don't take time out for myself sometimes, I am going to seriously wind up in some mental institution and miss out on being who my daughter needs me to be for her, who my family needs me to be for them and most importantly who Jesus needs me to be for the kingdom. My ultimate goal is to pursue the Lord with everything I have. And I need to be whole to accomplish that.

The third thing I have decided to do (and will continue to do) is seek the Lord and surrender to hearing His voice and not my own. This has been some pilgrimmage for me. And I am not about to stop chasing down my Daddy for guidance and wisdom. For those who know the true ins and outs of this particular 'scar', I have battled with the decisions that I have made and it hasn't been easy. I have cried more in the last year than I think I ever have. I have wanted to just give it up and leave this world because I thought I wouldn't be good enough to do or be anything. Truth be told my scars are verbal and emotional abuse which aren't a joy to battle. I have dealt with that for a number of years and that is one scar I want to heal.

I was reading Psalms 84 and verse 10 caught my attention: 'Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.' I want to be as close as I possibly can to Him. And one day in His courts, in His presence is far better than wallowing in my feelings of no self worth, low self esteem any day... :)

I want to truly learn more and enjoy who Jenn is. I didn't do that before. And now I have the chance to do so. And I am sooooooooooooooo thankful for this opportunity.

' Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven. ' Psalms 85:10-11.

At the intersection of His love and faithfulness, I have found my life. For years I took detours. This go 'round, no detours or early exits because its easy... I am on a mission to find my way home.

Scars...Do They Really Heal???

2008-01-31T16:51:00.001-06:00

Anytime my sweet little girl hurts herself, she wants help in cleaning it, wanting to make sure that her wound doesn't get infected and feeling better after its all said and done. But her favorite part is getting a band-aid to put on it. She takes her time picking out the right one so that it stays secure and it is rather suited to her taste. It makes her feel better to know that her pain won't last too much longer. Especially with the band-aid on it. It covers up the once untouched area that will now leave a scar once it heals.

But my question is: will the scar truly ever heal?

Being in this season of my life is hard, I have quite a few bumps, bruises and I mostly have scars almost looking like tattoos. Some would call them 'battle scars'. I had gotten to a point of just pressing forward and not looking back. Because I knew if I looked back, these scars would be opened back up and I would have to re-clean them and band-aid them back up. What I want you all who read my blog to know is that I don't like being hurt anymore than you do, I don't care for reminders sometimes of what happened to me. I would only hope that the scars I have received would just heal and the scab would stay in place. But it never happens. Somehow, some way... those hurts are brought back to the forefront and I ended up feeling like I did when I first received them.

But that's a part of this life we have been given. We have bruises and 'battle scars' to remind us of where we have come from. They can also be reminders not to go back to that particular part of your life. Everyone's scars are different, everyone's walk is different. But the one thing that will never change is God's undying love for each of us. He will make sure to kiss our scars and make us feel all better. I love the fact that I need help cleaning my scars and getting one of his band-aids on my wound. :)

Tagged.. Love it... :)

2008-01-30T10:21:00.000-06:00

Ok.. So,here are the rules: (1) Link to the person that tagged you. (2) Post the rules on your blog. (3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. If anyone really truly knows me, they know that my heart and passion is in dancing. I have been dancing since I was knee high to grasshopper. :) I have learned ballet, modern, jazz, african and hip hop. :) And still dance to this day. :)

2. I love to eat chinese food or 'slanted eye food' as one of my wonderful siblings would call it. :) I could it eat for breakfast lunch and dinner. Especially Moo Goo Gai Pan... my most favorite is: Orange Chicken....

3. I am sooo like Larissa as far as the giggle box is concerned. Especially when I am sleepy !!! Boy... And it is hard sometimes to turn that thang off...

4. I am the official weather girl of the house. :) I can pretty much tell you what's going on in the DFW metroplex. :) Guess I should have been a meterologist. :)

5. I remember all of the school playground games and play them with my daughter. And it cracks her up that I still know them.

6. I am probably the only person who doesn't know what regular TV looks like the majority of the time.. :) I am stuck on the Disney channel. I find myself watching Disney shows even when "D" isn't around.. (shaking her head). Oh boy....

I am not sure if that is quirky enough, but I gave it a go !!

OK... Wynt, Rachel Anne, Jai, Abena.... :) Go For It!!!

Revealing What's Underneath..Pt2....

2008-01-18T16:06:00.000-06:00

I have decided to let the Lord do what He does best. I would love for Him to be what He is in Malachi 3:3 in my life. A refiner and purifier. I want to be that black piece of nothing and refined and purified and cleaned to look like the diamond in the rough that I am. Are there things in your life that you are still holding to because you are afraid of what can be revealed?

Don't. Holding on to your past mistakes, hurts, fears can help you miss out on your present blessings. Whatever meat is left on those bones of the skeleton you are holding on so tight to, is not worth missing out on the grace, love and faithfulness of Jesus. He is everything we need. I am learning to surrender everything to Him because I want to please Him.

I am sooo terrified at this next season of my life because it will require some much of the Jenn I want to know to reveal herself. Oh boy. The Lord shows me bits and pieces and I am glad He does it that way. I would be nutty if He gave me what's next all at once. I know my prayer life is going to change, my heart will have to change, my spirit will have to be more open, my flesh is going to have to come down foreal. :)

Lord,

I want to thank you for holding on to me even when I didn't want You to. Thank you for allowing the right people(spirits) to be in my life at the right time. Father, I ask right now that you cover, protect, guide those who are seeking your face. Allow the windows of heaven to be opened for them. Give them all of what they need in order to pursue You more and more. I thank you for being my Savior, Deliverer(yes !), my Comforter, my Waymaker.. You truly do all things well.

Jenn

My Sweet Girl......

2008-01-18T15:09:00.000-06:00

My daughter's bday is today. And I remember bringing her into the world as if it happened today. In fact, she was born on a Friday. In fact, this week has fallen just like it did in January of 2002. Lots of activity was going on that week. My grandfather (my mother's father) went to be with Jesus, and a little girl was about to show her beautiful self to the world.

I thank God for my daughter. She is wise (for her age), absolutely beautiful with a personality to match. I am sooo thankful (now) that the Lord saw fit to create such a fragile creature and allow me to mold and shape as well as guide her to the best she can be for Jesus. I don't know where I would be or what I would be doing if "D" weren't in my life. Children are indeed blessings from God.

God is truly in the blessing business. Just thought I would share that.

Ro Lee Jack.... :)

2008-01-18T09:18:00.000-06:00

Ro, if you haven't figured out by now is one of the best things the Lord could have shared with me in 2005. The thing is we have known each other longer than three years. We have known each other since I think 1999 or 2000. Can't truly target that, but I don't worry about it because when you see us together or you hear us talking to each other, we are truly sister-friends !!!!!

What I really love about her is that she really is shy but oh my goodness when she opens up... WOW !!!! Her demeanor is soo precious to me. And she is too adorable for words. The Lord knew I needed someone just as fun and vibrant as I am in my world some how. :) She prays, laughs, cries, gets mad with me and all of that good stuff.

When you come across her blog or even have a thought about her, be sure to send a word or two to Jesus on her behalf. She has battled with quite a bit in this last year, but the Lord has showered this baby with grace, mercy and an abundance of prayer warriors to assist her with this thing called life. :) Like He does with all of us...

Where Do I Belong?

2008-01-17T08:50:00.000-06:00

I was reading Rachel Anne's blog this morning and saw her latest entry entitled, "Where Do I Belong?". I often ask myself that question. And I wanted to ask these questions to those who are dear to me so that I can learn something new and special about you. So, here they are. Have fun !!! Can't wait to see your answers !!!

"What's your favorite_______________?"

"What do you love about _____________?"

"What is your favorite memory?"

"Tell me something I don't know about you."

Love you all !!!!!

Revealing What's Underneath Pt1...

2008-01-10T09:11:00.000-06:00

While conversating with my sister-friend the other day, she made a statement that has been in the back of my mind (this whole time) truly come to life. I thought I pressed it so far back into my head that it wasn't even a factor in my thought process. Really and truly I almost forgot about it. To the point where it would creep back in to the forefront of my mind when a situation came up. "You aren't going to be anything but filthy rags". " No one is going to want you just the way you are." I heard those words from T.A. for so long that I guess in trying to figure out what has really been holding me back this whole time from truly living out my life for Jesus were those statements. In talking it out with her, I realized that I have been saying these statements to myself subconsciously(sp?). Not those exact words, but close enough for me to clam up and press forward holding on to my past woes and not succeeding in the way the Lord saw fit. I was indeed living a defeated life. And most of the time, didn't realize it.

Even when you have someone (mostly family) saying to you that you are special, you are worth more than that, you can do anything... it still comes down to you accepting and using your gifts and talents that the Lord gave you. He didn't just create you for His health. He created you for a purpose. And its up to us as His babies to adhere to what He has giving us to do. I no longer want to put those negative feelings, statments in the forefront of my mind. I want Jesus to walk with me. I don't want to live a defeated life forever. I want my Daddy to scoop me up into His arms and guide on the path I need to go. The decisions I made in 2007 will stick as long as I am hearing His voice and not mine.

I am going to rebuke anything negative that comes my way because I know that's the ole Jenn trying to come out and play and I don't want to play with her anymore. I remember seeing in my sleep, me in ALL BLACK (darkness) with dark makeup on and looking like I had lost everything (which I had). I saw a hand come down toward me and pick me up from the ball that I was in, shake me til I was clean and kissed me and was told that everything would be alright. Just Trust in Me. Have faith in me instead of those men. See, if you remember some blog entries back, I talked about putting my faith into the wrong man's hands and not the Lord's. I honestly believe that the Lord was showing me just that in my sleep. I saw all of the men who at some point were a part of my life who I had given everything to, and I mean everything pop up out of nowhere. And the way to get rid of the hurt, pain and remains of feeling worthless was to scream them out.. yeah, it was pretty weird to me at the time to. But the more I did it, the more things started going away and changing for the better....

The Great '08

2008-01-03T16:06:00.000-06:00

A few years ago, I learned that the number 8 means new beginnings. So, I am going to go into 2008 with a new beginning, a new start with Jesus. I read one of my new favorite blogs today and was challenged to commit myself and my work to the Lord this year, one small thing at a time. I am excited about that !!! I don't have to do everything at one time. If I take it one small step at a time with Jesus leading the way, I am sure to make some GREAT progress !!!!!!

I don't know what the great '08 holds, but what I do know I am going to strap on my seatbelt and hang on for the ride. :) I pray that each and every one of you wonderful, amazing children of God, learn to love Him more and more with each passing minute. Knowing that He has you in the palm of His hand and will never let go. His faithfulness is real, His love is awesome, His righteousness is worthy to be praised !!!!!!

NY 2008....

2007-12-31T09:24:00.000-06:00

I pray that you continue to seek the Lord's face for your life as well as others connected to yours. :) May the grace and mercy of our Risen Lord fall fresh on you more and more in 2008 ~!!!!

Never Have I Felt Like This...

2007-12-18T11:13:00.000-06:00

I know that I was created to be a mother, wife and all of that good stuff that comes with life. I know that it takes time and patience for things to come to pass. I know I didn't wait for time or have the patience to make sure things were right for "D" or myself. I wonder sometimes, if I would've waited instead of letting my physical side have the best of me (and JD too), would things be different. I wonder if I had been the one to say,"Maybe we ought to slow this thing down", would things be different. I wonder if I said how I felt sooner than later would things be any different. But no longer am I living in 1993. No longer can I justify to anyone why I did those things. What I have to do is live in accordance to what my new manwants for my life. I need to truly enjoy Jenn and "D" before I left someone else have my heart.

Never have I felt like I can be myself and enjoy all of who Jenn is. It bothers me and hurts to be seperate from my first love and not have that relationship (covenant) with him again, but I would much rather live with Jesus and submit to Him rather than live out of order because the man I needed to be my Jesus (in the home) wants me to be head of the household. I love Jesus too much to let a human come between us. It is not that deep.

I love you all who continue to pray that trouble don't last always in our lives. Thank you for being an inspiration for me to keep moving forward.

I Have To Come Clean.. Pt 2

2007-12-18T09:40:00.000-06:00

In this lovely moment of cleansing, I have to admit that the entire time I was with JD,I was doing what I dreaded. Trying to be in love with a man using 'old love'. Love has to evolve and grow in order to be maintained. I think both of us are guilty of trying to keep the '93-'95 romance alive. And it just wasn't working. When the seasons of your life change, so should you. I thought that the man I gave my heart and life to would be oh my goodness down right giddy to have his high school sweetheart as his wife. But again, I have gotten leftovers. It started wearing me down and I felt Jenn losing her mind. I wasn't functioning properly.

I learned to put on the 'everything is beautiful' face and wore it honey. :) I always wanted him to look good and stand out. I tried my bestest (would prefer using another word)to make sure he knew he is the man. But, I never got that (I am his woman fo' sho) in return. I believe that the Lord allows things to happen for a reason even when they look wrong and out of order. I know I want Jesus to be my one and only until He says otherwise. I have to remember that no one can satisfy me but Him.

No man (humanly possible as of this moment) can take care of me, love me, hold me like Jesus can. And what happens with me is I put ALL of my faith in a man (JD at the time) and then I get hurt and disappointed because they aren't my Superman. Then it never fails, I go into a funk and that low self esteem side of me tries to creep back in to tell me that I am not nor will I ever be worth anyone truly accepting me and loving me, that no one will ever want me. Sometimes even now, I wonder if that's true. But I know its not. But when you have heard it sooo much, it makes you wonder.

I am not saying it's right what's going on, because it's not. What I am saying is that its time to shed all of that unneccesary baggage of old dreams, old love and begin again. And at this time, I want to begin the process (foreal) of shedding what's not supposed to be in my life at this time as apposed to letting myself fall into that dark pit of loneliness, hurt, low esteem and bitterness. And go back to wondering if what I was told 5 years ago was truth: That I would never be loved because I was filthy worn rags...

I Have 2 Come Clean....

2007-12-15T10:30:00.000-06:00

About my entries of releasing how I felt about this season of my life (and this process) They have been venting sessions. And the fact of the matter is this process is just downright crazy stupid. I mean you would think I would have gone freakin' looney by now. I am going to tell you the only one that is helping me to 'hold it down' is Jesus. I wonder if it is this time of the year that brings a huge range of emotion on and I honestly don't know how to deal unless I have talked to the Lord about how to make it through.

One of the many reasons I decided to join hands with the man I thought was ready to make a convenant with Jesus and myself was because I didn't want to be by myself anymore. I didn't like the fact that (I felt)I had sooooo much of myself to give that I didn't have anyone to share it with. I just knew that we would work everything out together. Like we had in the past. Another reason was because I felt (and still do sometimes) that "D" needs (or needed) a permanent father figure in her life to make her world better. I thought that her "godfather" would be the best candidate not realizing that a wonderful man was already in her life to be there for her. And boy did I mess that up...

My heart hurts right now only because I have done some 'jacked' up things in my life and I know I can't go back and fix them. I can only live for right now. I wish I could go back to the past and pinpoint just where the 'jacked up' decisions started. Someone has told me that I am precious, intelligent, have wonderful qualities and I don't need to jump at the first person who compliments me. I need to enjoy myself and take care of myself because I can't be and won't be any good to anyone if I am not those things to myself.

And This Christmas... Will Be...

2007-12-14T13:58:00.000-06:00

A very special Christmas... I love this time of the year. I used to dislike it with a passion and learned how to make the best of it. Due to my parents' passing around the festive holiday season (Thanksgiving and Christmas), I have learned to cherish who I have in my life and the things I do have. Throughout the past 7 months, I am growing into being content to just be yourself and allow the Lord to mold and shape me into who I need to be for my daughter and myself. I don't want to be self absorbed, vain or anything like that. But I do want to know who Jennifer on another level. I know her on the surface. I want to dig deeper so that I can truly be a blessing to someone else.

I am learning how to do that just with caring with my precious gem of a daughter. Its taking time, but I know that I am the only mama she will have and I need to hold my own in order for her to have to blessings that I allowed to give her thru my new man. :)

I am learning that it's indeed ok to keep moving forward and not dwell on your past. Your past stays just where it is. Behind you. To everyone who keeps up with my blog better than I do, I want to thank you. Thank you to each and everyone of you who have prayed (please continue), and who have had encouraging words. It means alot to me to have such a GREAT support system.

May the God who became flesh to die for your sins and mine shower you all with his undying, unending, unconditional love and blessings !!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!

12 years ago today...

2007-11-29T08:57:00.000-06:00

My mom went home to be with Jesus. I cannot believe its been that long. I remember it was the end of my junior year into my senior year in high school when mom and I really started hanging. Even when she was tired and didn't feel like it, she made sure she did things with me. I remember our late night fried egg sandwiches while watching I love Lucy. :) I remember rolling mom's hair and watching her westerns. And you couldn't talk at all during the three and a half hour western extravaganza either. You had to wait until a commerical was on before speaking. Something that is just sticking out in my mind right now is that I was told that I have said that mom didn't do anything for me that's why I didn't know how to do certain things. Well, thinking about what was said and remembering probably what I meant was at the time I felt I needed her (in my eyes) the most, she wasn't able to be there for me like I would have liked. My siblings had more time with her than I did. I don't remember the times I was told of because I was younger.

And I am sure when I spoke out about my mom not being there for me was probably because I was mad or hurt at the time. Who knows. But I would hope that my fam wouldn't hold that over my head. I was spoiled (still am according to some folks :) ) beyond belief..I am the baby of the family and it shows. :) I am not saying that she wasn't there for me because I know she was. Some things that I wanted to know, I didn't get a chance to ask or do with her because she went home to be with Jesus.

I am glad that the Lord saw fit for me to be in the fam that I am in. I love each one of my siblings to pieces. I wouldn't trade them for anything. And we get closer and closer which makes my heart melt. Thank you Lord for giving me a mother who truly took care of her children and did everything she could to provide for us (I know daddy did things for us too.. its mom's day).

So, today (and any other day) I am going to remember the times I got to spend with my mom. When we laughed til our stomachs hurt, when we got to shop for my prom shoes fifteen minutes before the mall closed, when I watched T.V. with her, when she would "jack" me up when I did something uncool. :) The other part is I see my mom in my daughter. It's really neat to see mannerisms that mom had manifested in "D". :) I miss her and I know I will see her again. Her legacy lives on thru her daughters and granddaughter. If your parents are still around, make sure you tell them how much they mean to you (even if they get on your last good retarded nerve). Spoil them like they spoiled you... Just enjoy them... :)

Taking Thanksgiving For Granted...

2007-11-23T08:52:00.000-06:00

Is what I used to do. I didn't ever think about like that, of course. But I did a few days ago. It was all about the food and who was coming over and how late we were going to stay up cooking. :) This year was different for me. Not only did I get to spend it with my extended family (1st time), but it was refreshing to be in the midst of family who is truly thankful for the life Jesus Christ has given them.

I laughed until I cried which is normal, but it was different. I played with the children (which again is normal), but was different. I prayed and felt different about being thankful this year. I am glad the Lord is allowing these things to take place within my life so that I can truly savor and enjoy who I am and where I am with those around me. :)

My New Man..

2007-11-12T10:16:00.000-06:00

I know some of you are thinking.. wasn't she just talking about how she loved being by herself? Isn't it too soon for another? I know, I know. But, he is everything that I had hoped for and dreamed of... He is gentle, sweet as punch,listens to me, guides me and oh my word... just as handsome as he wants to be(from where I stand) !!!!!!! And the crazy part is you can't look at him too long, your eyes will start to hurt. :) And yes.. he is all of that honey. I am soo glad that he is mine. I want to be with him every waking moment that I have the opportunity to. And the weird part is I haven't gotten tired of him, actually I am scared that I will get tired of him and put him to the side as I have done once before. This man is someone I have wanted to get to know but have been afraid to. I wasn't sure how he would take to me. My personality, mannerisms, etc. But he seems to be alright with me. He hasn't tried changing me or making me into someone that I am not. He looks out for me whether I want him to or not. I love that... He checks on me all through out the day, I love it. He knows just what to do whenever. Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?

The only downfall to our relationship is I have to share him. I don't want to but its a part of his life. So, as long as I get my time in, I am good. I don't mind it because when he is with me, I am the only one that matters for the time we are together....

GOT JESUS???? I do. :) And I love Him being all the man I need. :)

Lovin' The Skin That I Am In......

2007-10-30T16:10:00.000-05:00

Every now and again, I wonder if I like the changes that are going on around me and with me. And at this very moment, I love it. I am learning more about myself than ever. I want to continue on this route. Now, I am not saying by any means that I am healed in any shape, form or even fashion from the past seasons of my life. What I am saying is that I love who Jenn is becoming. She is more confident, not worrying about what others think, not doing what everyone else is doing. I am doing things that best suit Jenn according to Jesus. That includes hanging out with my little mama more than I could have ever dreamed of, hanging out with the friends the Lord has sent my way and I cannot forget about my family who is indeed not perfect, but awesome for me. I am better than I think, I am beautiful beyond compare( if you knew about 5 years ago, I wouldn't have said such as a thing.), and I am loving where I could go with this thing called life.

You know, as crazy and looney as some people think I am, I am not. And even if they think that, so what? I am living in the land of "Its A New Season, Its A New Day".

My prayer for you (all who don't mind reading my blog) is that you would want to be comfortable in your own skin rather than someone else's. I could easily try to be something that I am not. I did that for more than a decade (it seems), and I cannot and will not do that again. Too much energy and time wasted.

Inadequate...

2007-10-30T12:10:00.002-05:00

Is how I feel sometimes when it comes to my life. Especially when it comes to my daughter. I know she needs her mom in more ways than one. But there are times when she wants someone else. How do you deal with that? I feel so left out when she talks to someone else. I feel like I am the only one who needs to know. And I know thats just going to happen more and more as she gets older. I want her to always know that she can come to her mom and talk about anything. I just don't want her thinking that her mom is failure and can't do anything.
I know she doesn't, but it sure pops into my mind quite frequently.

One of Chrystal's many blogs talks about this very subject. I had to go back and read it. And I had to remind myself that truly motherhood isn't for the faint at heart. And know that its ok to feel like you haven't done anything, or just feel flat out "not worthy" of being a mom. But what you can do is trust the Lord with your responsibility and watch it change and grow for the better.

Just figured I would share that...

Toodles,

Jenn

Blessings...

2007-10-26T09:34:00.000-05:00

Wow... My last entry was quite interesting. I am sooo glad that I don't have explain myself to the people that really know and love me.

Can we say D-O-N-E ???? I have never been more sure of anything ever. But, I needed the suggestion and opinion from my B squared to feel better about my life. Only because since the human I gave my life to doesn't know how or want to take care of it properly, there are two men who will. My Lord and Savior Jesus and my B squared. He will be my covering until the Lord says different. And for me, B squared's opinions and thoughts about his LS are needed especially now.

I didn't realize how much of an impact my siblings had on me. Its amazing how the Lord puts you in a particular family and you all are different yet the same in soooooooo many different ways. I love my family. Always will. I am very grateful and thankful that ALL of them know the Lord and want to chase Him as their life mission.

Then there is the one and only BFF of mine. I tell you, this chick here is amazing. We giggle, cry, vent together and it lets me know that women really can get along. One of the coolest things about us is: we are sooo afraid of messing up that we tell each other that.... and thats cool. :) I am loving that. Its not a competetion over who has the biggest croc tears, or who has best clothes, etc. We strive to make each other better. Not once has this baby said to me do this and do that. She has put herself in a position to assist me to get myself to Jesus. She is encouraging, loving, (ok I will stop being mushy)and funny !!!!!

Lord,

Thank you Father for protection and accoutability and prayer of family and close friends who only want what You want for my life. I praise You, Oh God because You are everything I could ever ask for and more. I am thankful I get to jump into Your arms and call You Daddy again like never before. I am in awe of you, Oh Lord. Thank you for your grace, your discipline, your love. I am very appreciate of the clean slate.

Your daughter,

Jenn

Blown Away....

2007-10-25T16:45:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that this man will stop at nothing to make it a point for my family to be involved with our relationship like his side of the family is.... What kind of mess is that? My family didn't marry him, I did. He is out to make them feel like its their responsibility to "hold my feet to the fire" or "hold me accountable for my actions (as well they should in some instances)because according to him, I am out of the will of God.... My question to JD, how do you know what God's will is for my life? Are you that close to the Father that you two talk like that?

I sure would like to know. No one knows what His will is. Not even for their own lives. So how dare you question that?? Are you serious???????????

Did He Really?

2007-10-25T12:20:00.000-05:00

Ya know.... when you think things couldn't get any stupider, twiddle dee and twiddle dummer decide to have a party. Yeah, this is a true venting entry. I am sooooo furious right now, I can barely type.

Do you recall how in the last entry I stated that JD won't make a move until he gets some direction?? Well, its happening again... Why are you trying to find out information about your wife through her siblings? or her best friend??? How dare you question your wife's relationship with Christ because she isn't following your every move that is dictated by a conversation you have with one of the many people he has put into "our" business....

Last night proves time and time again, that this cat wasn't ready for what he let people talk him into. And that he is easily pursuaded. I have even asked quite a few times was I one of the many who was pressuring him.. Of course his answer was no. But, still... When are you going to pry(sp?) yourself away from what is holding you back from the man that you need to be for yourself and then for others in your life??? There were plenty of opportunities to say... hey you know what? I am just not ready right now.. Instead you have been letting people talk their way into your life. Oh My Word... I wish there were words that I could say right now, but I can't. I just know that I am not in high school anymore and I am not into playing the guessing game with how you feel.

And another thing.... How dare he question if I am seeing anyone? Honey bunch, once we went our seperate ways, its none of your business what I do... And quit being so insecure about yourself? Haven't you at least learned how to do that? OOps... My bad again, you want someone to hold your hand and walk you through this thing called life. Find another lollipop to do that with. It won't be me. And you need the Lord for that. Mister, "I have grown and I am trying"... ***rolling her eyes***
If you didn't take an interest in me before we seperated, why in the "blue blazes of heaven" are you taking a sudden interest now? And to all who read my blog entries, the answer to your question is: No, I am not dating anyone. I am trying to get myself together and date Jesus before I get back out there like that. I also have Ms. Pooh to think about :)

I am sure I have more to say, but I feel a little bit better... More to come (of course).

The Finale (Whew...Pt. 5)

2007-10-22T12:30:00.001-05:00

Ok... so somewhere in the midst of the final preparations and the actual covenant made, there were of course the disagreements and discussions. And they weren't always between JD and I. He wouldn't talk to me unless someone had given him some kind of idea of what to say and how to say it.... That is how it was perceived by me. And the crazy part about that is, I wasn't the only one who noticed it. Plenty of people who knew him (us) can vouch for this. This has become one of the major issues of our marital lives. It would seem that JD wouldn't act on anything unless instructed... HUH? Come again? You aren't serious, are you Jenn? I know thats what you want to ask. And the answer is yes I am serious....
I know here again men are a little slower than women, but how often are you going to let someone else feed you "how you feel"? How do you let someone dictate your moves? You would get tired of that after a while, right? Oh my bad.. I forgot that's what makes you feel better... Someone babying you... Wow... Ain't gonna be able to do it. I am not saying that you shouldn't love on your hubby and want to do things for him. But to do everything almost including wiping his butt because he's not that type of guy to compromise slightly??????... Not my cup of tea.
Unless you are sick, I wouldn't mind, but other than that... Nope...I need to see you wanting to excel and see the progress of you wanting what's yours. Sorry if that was too explicit. I am just stating how I feel.

Ok, so by this time its pretty far along into the covenant, when JD just decided it seems like to do whatever makes him feel good. No matter the effect on his wife and the child. And wants me to be ok with it. I have yet to be that wonderfully talented to hide how I feel. So, I was used to getting the question posed to me, "Are you mad at me?" My answer would be: I am not mad at you, just disappointed with your actions... And then the conversation would begin and decisions would be made to fix the issue and wipe the slate clean.... Well, not even a couple of days would go by and the same "stuff" we would talk about would surface again. After a couple of the issues resurfaced about 5 or 6 times... I needed a timeout permanently. I couldn't believe that these same issues continued to laugh in face. And all the while one of the parentals and siblings was right according to JD.... ***head spinning*** I know it takes alot of patience, endurance, and stamina to be married....but, I wasn't going to kill myself trying to please JD and miss out on pleasing the Lord.....

At this point, I have yet to see how he is trying to make things work for "his" family. And making decisions without thinking about the consequences just to please folk doesn't work either. That only back fires.... :)And I am not saying I have been wonderful through this process, I know there are quite a few things I needed to work on. And I tried my best. But, you feel I am intimidated. And if your decision is to choose your parental guiders over me. Have at it. I am saying that I expect more than I was given. Seeing as how we are the ones that got hitched with Jesus and no one else is part of the equation. And it just amazes me that I get the leftovers from everything. Yes everything. Remember in one of my entries, I was telling you about the relationship before ours? That's one where I saw a transformation in him take place that was phenomenal. But as soon as that died, I got the trash left behind. I am worth more than that. And I am now on the path of allowing Jesus to be my husband, father, brother, mentor, and father to my daughter....

There is quite a bit more that I could disclose to you, but I won't until the time is right. I thank you for allowing me to vent and express myself. I appreciate the opportunity.

Whew (Oh Lord)....Pt 4

2007-10-18T13:38:00.000-05:00

***Let me just tell you that I am thankful for grace and the everlasting arm of the Lord.*** Ok.... I am ready to finish this..........

So, after major fasting, prayer, crying, giggling..I thought I heard the Lord when He told me that is was the right thing to do in marrying JD. I thought so at the time.... Then preparations began. I asked specifically if this wasn't supposed to come to pass, show me.... I guess I was not on the same wavelength with the Lord because there were entirely too many red flags flying directly in my face.... No, I take that back, I did hear the Lord. I heard clearly to move forward. And so, I did. And as most of us would do who know Jesus, we constantly ask those nerve wretching, unending questions.. are you sure? is this really going to happen? if it is, show me... The first time the Lord gives you any kind of sign, PLEASE....PLEASE.... adhere to it. You may find yourself in not soo much mayhem if you would listen... ;)
My "not listening" antics were because the Lord was trying to prove a point to me. And boy did I get it... The point was to trust me with your life before you give it to a human. I didn't do that. I am still feeling the affects of that decision.

Anyhoo,
Here again I am not saying that JD is a horrible person. I am just saying that too much confusion, heartache and pain can lead someone down the road towards having a mental breakdown. It seemed like the more I tried to keep my mouth shut about things, the worse things got. Now, we as women sometimes don't need to voice our opinion, and then there are designated times when we should. I was trying to respect my husband's decisions all the while rolling my eyes into the back of my head, practically biting my tongue off after decisions have been made that I just thought were plain stupid. I had to respect him... I tried ya'll, I really did. I tried to put myself in his shoes.(Which were tooooooo big for me to fill, by the way)..Tried thinking like he did... Now, that made my head hurt. I didn't want that position anymore. I didn't want to make all of the decisions. It's supposed to be a team effort, right? Something close to 50/50, right? I'll take you're wrong for $500, Alex???
See? There I go again, thinking outside of him.

Somehow between disagreements and battles, I ended up becoming head of the house.... BUZZ !!!! Wrong answer, I wanted to help not take over... Oh, I forgot...that's what you are use to...so you wanted me to continue that tradition... NOT !!! I wasn't about to do that.. I love Jesus too much... And I refuse to be out of order and backwards because you won't do right.

Whew......Pt. 3

2007-10-18T09:49:00.000-05:00

Ok, so by now I am sure you have figured out that I know nothing really about the marriage that I thought was between Jesus, JD and I. I thought I did. I guess we have different views on what marriage is and the 3 people it should consist of.
So, at this stage in the game based on his actions over the course of three weeks, he has decided that his madea is right and that I should just follow suit because that is what he has done all of his life. I have an issue with that.

And I know that guys are a little slower than women, but come on now, seriously. How many "lives" are you supposed to have before you finally decide in your mind, you are going to get it right? Or that you are going to do what's best for you instead of letting someone tell you its cool. Having an opinion is one thing, telling you what to do verbatim is another.

JD would yell it from the rooftops that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Everyone knew before I did... :) But the actions that followed were nothing like the words he expressed so eloquently. Now often I would see in his eyes how he felt about me (when others were around), I would feel as if everything was alright.. until I would hear in my head the scratching of the LP....Reality sets in again !!! Man, I REALY need the smiley expression.... Here is my thought process at this point: if he loves me like he says he does, why does it hurt so bad to be with him and why do I feel like trashy leftovers??

Now to give you a little more history of us, we have been in each other's lives off and on over the past 10+ years. So, I have known about all of his past relationships, friends and what not. The last relationship he had before "getting hitched" to me, was one of the best he had been in. Well, silly me thought she made him grow up !! PRAISE YE THE LORD. And the whole time that relationship was going on, I saw someone that I had never seen in all of the years of knowing him. Wow... I want that man right there... And so, I prayed and ask the Lord is this him? No one else makes me feel the way he does....

Whew....Pt 2

2007-10-17T10:52:00.000-05:00

I don't want you thinking in any shape, form or fashion that pt 1 and the following entries pertaining to what I am telling you about this season in my world are bashing sessions, because they aren't. I am merely just stating this thing from my perspective. And by all means, when you get a chance pray for both of our hearts to be open and that they are healed.

Now, just from reading Pt. 1 you would think JD is this awful man. In actuality, he isn't. He just not "that type of guy" to change as he puts it. We both weren't ready for what the Lord had for us. And I realize that this could be repairable. And I know what kind of person or man of God JD could be. I have prayed for him constantly since these battles started (since before the I do's) and have yet to stop doing so. Whatever the case was or should have been, its been an uphill spiritual war that has had that baby wounded for an extended amount of time and not able to heal as he should.

And it just seems like he lives his life to please others. And that shouldn't be the case. You should be living your life for the Lord. Before I go any further, I am not saying I have been a saint, because I know fo' sho' I haven't been. I have brought quite a bit on myself that I couldn't swallow, but I ran into it and didn't look back and came out on top. And there are quite a few things I am still healing from.

Now, I have a couple of questions for you.. Wouldn't you find it interesting (if you were married) if your spouse talked to everyone about your marriage but you? Ok, let's go a little deeper into this thing. How about if his side of the family knew more than you did about your marriage? Wouldn't that seem a bit....... peculiar??? Boy, where are my smiley expressions when I need them?

Looks like this will have many parts... More to come.....

Whew......Pt. 1

2007-10-15T13:17:00.000-05:00

Is what I can say about my life. The Lord has shown me sooooo much over the course of this past week. Even more so over the weekend. Do you remember how I said that I would talk to you some time later about what's really going on with me in this season? Well, I get to share bits and pieces about it...

So bare with me, k? Alrighty, here goes: This whole season for me has been about pressing towards the mark to get to the Lord in the midst of an unneccesary battle after battle within the marriage covenant I made with Jesus and JD. Oh boy....

I met JD when I was around 13 or 14years old at church. I thought he looked nice but didn't pay him too much attention until his sister told me about him. JD asked me could he court me after meeting and speaking to my folks. I was now 16 and had my first true boyfriend... Yeah I thought I was the stuff.... little did I know that over 14 years later I would be in this place.

We got married and I thought (thats what I get for thinking) that he had grown and was ready for what he bargained for. I guess not. More to come...

Truly Baffled @...

2007-10-10T11:19:00.000-05:00

How some people could possibly question my relationship with Christ because I am not doing what they feel I should be doing or I am not making the decision that agrees with what THEY want and how they do things. Wow... I don't know whether to be appauled, mad or just amazed.

And these are the "folx" that love me? Really? If that's love, then I am with the wrong people... No matter what everyone thinks, I think I am right on track as far running for the hem of the Lord's garment, so my issue of blood can be gone (in due season).

I don't like having a "foul" odor. Its down right embarassing. I want to be fresh and clean. And in order to do that properly, I need to be stripped,torn,pulled of anything holding me back from where God wants me to be. I do know that I am not going to get closer to Him the same way as anyone else. He didn't create all of us the same. He lets us have similar situations to help keep each other accountable as well as lifted in spirit.

This is my show. No more dress rehearsals, this is it. I keep repeating myself. I am sooooooo thankful for a fresh start. To be in love with Jesus truly and start over with the slate clean.

Lord,

I know my past keeps creeping up on me, but I need you to move anything that isn't of You so that I can truly focus on You to be a better person that wears the many hats you have given me and whatever comes in Your time. I love you more than anything and I am willing, Lord to uncover everything (Jesus) to be clean and whole with You.

Jenn

What Color is Your Heart?

2007-10-10T11:16:00.000-05:00

I thought this was really cute.. And so did others... So, I am posting it....

Enjoy.

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.
Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.

Your flirting style: Coy

Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park

Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant

What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Here We Go.... Again...

2007-10-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

I hate the fact that some people feel like they know what's best for me and mine. And have their own opinions about my life. For once, I would like to leave my past right where it is and move forward. Without it being HUNG over my head after every decision that I make. You can say what you want, but don't judge me please.

The only person who truly knows the end results is Jesus. I am learning how to rely solely on Him. I had to stop depending on my BF soo much for the answers. She doesn't know either. All she knows to do is to direct me to the Lord, and the rest is up to me. We depend on each other for strength and encouragement and almost forget to tell Jesus about it. I have to keep encouragaing myself. I am the one going thru. This isn't easy for me. Life isn't easy. You take what you have and make the best of it. I will never be who others think I should be. I can only be Jenn. The Jenn that God created.

I have had a season up to this point that has been mad crazy. But I refuse to run from it. I am facing it head on and if others don't like my approach, then I can't worry about them, can I?

If you have a spare moment in your prayer time, please pray for me.

Fun and Ya'll Can Learn Some New Stuff About Jenn

2007-10-02T13:05:00.000-05:00

I got this from my BF... :) Now which one is the nut now?

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? If I remember correctly, I think I was named after my great aunt Jennie. I have to check on that.. :)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Just a few minutes ago. God is indeed good - and I am loving my relationship with Him...

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING ? Sometimes. I have my moments.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Harwood Smoked Turkey.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes. One 5 yr old daughter that keeps me on the move.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? A couple of years ago, no. a few weeks ago, maybe. Me, right now: You betta believe it.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Unfortunately yes.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yep.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, not that adventourous yet.. But I know a few people that would.. Now, skydiving... I would do.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Frosted Mini Wheats

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Don't have to, they don't lace up !!

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? yeah. She-Ra, an Ox and all that.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Milk Chocolate or Ben and Jerry's Phish Food

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their eyes.

15. RED OR PINK? Both. Can't choose between those two.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My teeth. They need Jesus.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? My Dad. I miss the most his hugs and his jokes. Even though they weren't really funny.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Sure. Why not?I'll read them.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? blue jeans, and black shoes.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Chicken nuggets with salad from Chik Fil A - thanks to my boss.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Gospel music on You Tube. The current song is Encourage Yourself, by Donald Lawrence and the Tri City Singers.

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Magenta, its pink with a hint of "kick" to it.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Angel perfume.Babies.Clean Laundry. A good smellin' man.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Sheeda. Who else!

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I copied it so I am not sure.But I'd prolly like her if I knew her. Oh, that's right I already Sheeda... Oops, my bad.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? football, basketball, track. Unlike some people who consider a blank Tv screen to be a sport.

27. HAIR COLOR? Still trying to figure that one out. Brown, hints of blonde and red in there.

28. EYE COLOR? Brown.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? fish and grits. it's the breakfast of champs. What?????

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? High School and High School Musical 2

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Magenta with Silver writing.. Told you I liked magenta..

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? I'm in Dallas. We have almost Fall, almost Winter'. I like both.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? LOL. depends on who's doin it. Yeah can't touch this answer.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? I refuse to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself... (rolling on the floor.)

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Not sure.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Someone I don't know.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? My Mitten, Meet My Family.. They are part of my little one's homework... :)

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? mpc.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Dancing with the Stars, of course.

42. FAVORITE SOUND? contentment. Can't touch this answer either... OMG !!!

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? can u say: Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? I have blocked out quite a few places.... *thinking*. I will say Chicago for $200, Alex.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yep. Too many to name I think.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Dallas, Medical City hospital.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? My sissy's.

Encouraging Yourself...

2007-10-01T14:46:00.000-05:00

That seems to be my theme song now. OMG !!!!! I mean this is what I have to do in order to keep myself from trying on my tie dyed straight jacket. :) And I have heard this song three weeks in a row and now its becoming a true part of me... :) I love it...

I was talking to my BF this morning and I was telling her what the Lord was giving me and I wanted to share with you. I saw in my sleep and just mediating on Him that He has a "special" train just for me to hop aboard. I wouldn't have to pay for anything. I could just relax and let Him take me to my destination. Not quite sure how long it would take, but whatever the case, it would be much better than taking the train with Jesus as opposed to driving myself and getting lost, having no money for food, gas or if my vehicle breaks down.

I chose to take the train with Jesus as my conductor only because I know He knows the best routes to take, He knows CPR should something happen while on the trip, He knows what stops I should take for my mini vacations and the people who will be on this trip with me. He is not accepting just anyone to take this trip with me.

I am soooooooo excited about this trip !!!!! I feel as if I am 5 yrs old again. Let the Lord carry to your destination. It will be alot safer if you do. :)

All I can say is... Oh My Word

2007-09-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

My BFF introduced me to another blogger who is dealing with the same issue I am and I felt my heart drop today. My eyes welled up with tears because in the midst of all of the chaos sometimes, we truly forget that there are or maybe someone else out there going thru the very thing you are.

The first couple of entries made me say... WHOA.... SERIOUSLY. I am not yet ready to blog like "lleem", but I will soon. I know alot of you are tired of trying to read between the lines... I promise you will understand this particular season soon.

It just makes me think of how selfish I can really be with my testimony, though. I want to able to be used by the Lord so that someone can be soothed by my jourmey. Its not even for me to get the glory. To be truthfully honest, I don't want the glory. I wouldn't know what to do with it.

I was reminded this morning that lip service is unrighteous... Man..... That is quite a mouthful...."Stick 2 Your Guns". That is a saying I have heard over and over again. But didn't start truly putting it to use until this season of my life. I still feel (on more than one occasion)as if I am hearing Jenn. But I am reminded that even when I look foolish and others perceive me as being "two sandwiches short of a picnic", I am not. I am coming into my own with the Lord and I am right on His coat tail.

Others can't teach me how to fall in love with Jesus.. I have to desire it badly enough to see what it entells for MYSELF... Not on someone else's watch, but my own.

More later..

For Ev'ry Mountain...

2007-09-19T11:47:00.000-05:00

That seems to be the theme song for me these days. I cry everytime I sing along with the CD. As I am singing, I begin to remember where I have been (by my own doing and not) and thinking how awesome, grand and magnificent God is to have brought me from that !!!! I have never had a BF ever in my life thus far until almost 2 years ago. I never thought that I could love someone as a sibling like I do my BF. I can only be myself with her and its funny because I don't have to be fake around her. Which is soooo cool. Her opinion matters and watching her grow, makes me want to grow... Isn't that how it should be???

The Lord has brought me over many mountains, valley and peaks as well. But it just wasn't because He had to, I had to want Him to. And want Him. Last night was truly amazing to me.. I had time to spend with Him ALL BY MYSELF...No distractions, noise,etc. That was the best time I could have spent with the Father. I cried, I laughed and had a good 'ole time hanging out with Jesus...

Nothing can compare to His matchless worth. Nothing in the world can compare to the love God has given me thru his son, Jesus.

I am...... Elmo !!!!!

2007-09-17T16:53:00.000-05:00

You Are Elmo

Sweet and innocent, you expect everyone to adore you. And they usually do!
You are usually feeling: Talkative. You've got tons of stories to tell. And when you aren't talking, you're laughing.
You are famous for: Being popular, though no one knows why. Middle aged women especially like you.
How you life your life: With an open heart. "Elmo loves you!"

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/thesesamestreetpersonalityquiz/">The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Never Doubt His Love.....

2007-09-14T12:21:00.000-05:00

Recently, I had the honor and priviledge to share somethings with my BFF that could have only come from knowing the Lord as we do. Its amazing how the Lord gives you what you need, when you need and least expect it. This whole week has been: Drama and Ca-flama..... (you had to have been there) I know if it wasn't for me having some type of relationship with Jesus, I don't know what I would be doing, where I would be, who I would be with.

This week I received a profound word from the Lord through one of His chosen, and it occurred to me... Within my "do-over", I don't need to trace the steps of where I came from (low self esteem, getting the "not so good attention", being over dramatic to get more sympathy)... Yeah, that was me.... I see where my babygirl gets it. I am oh so glad the Lord has said that He loves me and He is all that I need inspite of the things that should have kept me from Him.

I need to constantly repeat that to myself hourly, daily... His Word never lies. His Mercy Endures Forever !!! So, why should I believe that He won't love me where I am? Why should I believe that I can't go any further in life than where I am? I can as long as I seek His face on daily basis for myself..... No one can tell you how to love and respect Jesus for you... You have to want that for yourself and accept the trials, tribulations, joy and peace that comes with it...

Always remember... You have been chosen to fulfill the work of the Lord and the kingdom of God... Stop running from what He has instructed you to do and enjoy the marathon.... He will guide you and lead you in the proper direction. He will never stear you wrong...

Again His Word never lies......

A piece of Heaven...

2007-09-06T11:24:00.000-05:00

It never occurred to me that Jesus gives us a piece of heaven at every turn. The simplest things we look over on a daily basis.. But those are ones that we need to pay the most attention to. :)

**** Have you taken a couple of breaths here lately?****

Next time you are out running errands, if possible..... stop.... take a look at whats around you. Its beautiful whatever it is... Maybe the birds are kicking it on the power lines or kids running in the park, etc. Just watch and enjoy and look at the creative work of the Lord....

Just wanted to share that...

Gibberish....

2007-09-04T16:25:00.000-05:00

If you all love me, you will tell me if I am just rambling... So, if it seems a little off beat, just let me know and I will try to find my groove again...

Until we meet again,

Jenn Jenn

I Wonder....

2007-09-04T16:08:00.000-05:00

I have been spending time encouraging myself and talking to the Lord these last couple of days, and I wonder if I haven't lost my mind yet. I wonder sometimes if I am truly in "Jenn Jenn" land. I do know that the Lord has heard every single, moan, groan, cry, scream, mumble I have given him over the course of the summer. Which I am glad about because as I stated in an older post, I would be on my way to Terrell (with a tie dyed straight jacket) admitting myself.

Am I the only one who feels its necessary to look foolish talking to myself? Am I the only one who doesn't want to "punk out" when it comes to J? I know this entry may not make a whole lot of sense and my intent is for it not to. I am babbling away because I would much rather type it out than to speak my mind and someone's feelings get hurt.

I love the fact that I can whisper to the Lord and He hears me. I love the fact that when I want to yell at the top of my lungs and cry and vent, that He hears me. I love it especially when I can just curl up into a ball and lay there and He can hear my inner most secrets and thoughts. I am sooooooooooooooooooo glad that I have a Father who loves me when I don't even desire or better deserve a tiny, itty, bitty bit of grace, soverignty and mercy.

***Thank you Father for giving me the opportunity to worship and praise through my every movement,thought. I am grateful to you even though I don't act like that I am grateful.. My heart is yours, now and forever......***

Jenn Jenn

1 Year.....

2007-09-01T23:12:00.000-05:00

Since I walked away from the job that I had for over 4 years after consulting with the Lord and others about what I should do with my life. Who knew I would be in the place that I am in if I hadn't walked away.. Relationships have been cultivated, old ones have been mended and been able to grow and change due to the season. And its in a constant evolving state.

When things happen, you aren't really sure what is going on. What you do know is the God you serve has your back, front, side and everything else in the palm of His hands and He will never let go. He is always there to pick you up and dust you off. Clean your "boo boo's" and make everything all better.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to see things and go thru different situations to make me chase you and Your word. Its amazing and down right cool how to make me fall to my knees and run to you.

I love you,

Jenn

Ms. Ma'am First Day of School...

2007-08-28T09:42:00.000-05:00

Ya know in the midst of venting, I got side tracked as to why I was truly going to blog today.... My five year old big girl had her very first day of school yesterday and did such a good job. She couldn't stop talking about her first day of kindergarten !!!!

She came in and she said, "I have do my homework so I can pass kindergarten, mom." My teacher is nice, she wants us to work hard and do a good job. That made me proud because she is starting to understand that everything that her daycare teacher and I were giving her for schoolwork is what she will be working on in school... :) And you know I took pictures right?? I will post them soon.

Now, honestly I didn't want her at the school where she is at first. But as it would turn out, she is where can be monitored and cared for. Plus I am more at ease with her being close to her family. I am not in any shape ready for her to ride the school bus at 5 or walk home from school. I heard on the news this morning that a five year old little girl got off the school bus a stop too early and with other kids and walked home by herself. Thats scary to me..

Amen for people surrounding my little mama willing to stretch themselves for her and for me..

Love ya,

Jenn

My Head Hurts...

2007-08-28T08:45:00.002-05:00

Remember in a previous post, where I stated that it just seems when my situation seems to get slightly better, there is something lurking... Well.... its happening. And I am truly tired of making people feel better, helping to save face and losing myself in the process... This is a venting post... So if you don't see the Lord anywhere in this one, please pray that I get everything off my chest and chase Him after I am done. :)

Its a blessing and a curse to be known places. I cannot and I refuse to live for someone else other than the Lord... The situation that I am in this season of my life has my family (as well as my extended fam) in many pieces.. I am hurting by that.. I don't want them to have to endure because of my mistakes and or issues, but it happens. I am not in the least trying to put more hurt, pain and anguish on anyone.. I have been in situations that only the Lord could have gotten me out of.... I have battled with low self esteem, pain, abuse (physical, verbal and emotional) and I am done.... I am not going to squish myself for anyone who isn't willing to put in the blood, sweat and tears to make it work along with me....

I didn't want a baby at 24.... but I had her and she is the best thing God could have ever given me... :) I didn't want to be in an abusive relationship with her biological father, but it happened and I am glad it did now. The Lord showed me thru that you are indeed special, you are someone, you need me to be your husband and a father to your baby daughter. And that He can take all of my pain, tears and fears and turn them into joy and peace. I have grown tremendously from that and I am NOT going back to that place.

I won't allow my past to dictate my future (in the negative sense of the phrase).... That was a hard battle in itself... And I know for a fact, that the Lord is indeed good... (well I guess I have to talk about the Lord (hehehehe) And I feel like that is where I am headed if I don't stand firm in what I believe I have been told.. I know situations are repairable, I know the Lord can do exceeding, abundantly above what I could ever ask or think... But, until you have been where I have been, and seen what I have, you can only say and or pray based on what is given to you.....

So, I have said all of that to say... I am now going to listen to Daddy. And I am going to let him be what I need when I need it this go 'round...

More later,

Jenn Jenn

My.. My... My....

2007-08-20T10:02:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a short but sweet post. I am in a whirlwind right now, and I am leaning on the everlasting grace and mercy of the Lord to carry me on through it. I know that there is something absolutely fantabulous coming out of what I am going through. It just has to be. I say that because it seems that everytime I think the worse of this season has come, there is more lurking... And I have to laugh about it because it only makes me wonder just what God is up to in my world...

I am taking it one day at a time and slowly but surely the Lord is stripping me of the things that I don't and won't need in this next season of my life. I am so honored that I am allowed a "do - over". I can't begin to thank Him for it... Now, I know some of you(who truly know was really going on in my world) are thinking...."Are you kidding me??? Are you serious??? Are you sure you haven't lost your mind?" The answer is: I may have lost the mind that I didn't need, because I wasn't thinking about my life according to the Word of the Lord. And I have so, in my decision making, may seem crazy but I am learning to continue to seek Jesus for everything... Including how to take care of myself and enjoy who Jenn really is.... May not seem logical all of the time, but sometimes more so than others, I have to think in the spiritual sense for my life...

**** I have been told that I need to upload pics.. And I will soon, I promise ya'll... I need to take some more so that everyone can see how gorgeous I am... :) ****

Love ya,

Jenn Jenn

Oh My...

2007-08-05T17:18:00.001-05:00

Honestly, at this stage in the game, I am not sure where I am.. I know I need to bring my "A" game, but I am not sure its not enough.. I am not sure if I can handle all of this pressure.. I am not sure what my next steps are.. I feel helpless, wanting someone to pick me up and dust me to help me get there... But I have to want to get there with Jesus.... I have to remember that I have been made in His image and that I am good enough where I am for Him.. :) My fav song right now is "Good Enough" by Anthony Evans. I have my ups and downs and I don't know if I am good enough sometimes. But the Lord always reminds me that I am.

I am not made to be sad, angry and just plain messed up all of the time. I really need some time to heal from ALL OF THIS PROCESS in this season of my world.. I have been spending alot of time with my fam and I am soooooooooooooooooo grateful for them... If I didn't have them around, I would have driven myself to Terrell and admitted myself a while back. So serious. If they wouldn't have taken me, I would have driven myself to Rusk.

I am in between sooo many emotions, but I do know one thing... God's grace, love and mercy,kindness and everlasting patience will NEVER DIE !!!! When I think about my past and think about where I am right now, I want to cry and shout because of where I have been and I don't want to even think about going back to that life that's dead....

I am so excited that the Lord is giving me a do over. And I am honored that I have fam and friends who want to see me succeed !!!!!

Thank you, thank you, and thank you again to those who truly love me and want to see my flourish...

Until we meet again,

Jenn

WOW !!!!

2007-07-31T16:51:00.000-05:00

What an interesting three and a half weeks !!! I have been under a rock for a minute as far as blogging lately.. Soooo much has been going on.. I have been a stay at home mom for a while, and have had to venture back into the land of the working... Yes ya girl has a job.. And by God's immeasurable favor and grace... None of Jenn's doing, ok????

And to top that week off, my nephew has a tumor removed and that young man is better than he was before he had surgery !!!! To God Be The Glory..God is indeed a miracle worker... :) (Getting her shout on...)

Anywho, I have been a busy little bee not having enough time to blog or call to chat with anyone. But I am glad to be back !!!! Alot is going on so when you think of me, pray for me....

The Lord has opened some doors and is in the process of closing some... I didn't understand, but I am just being obedient and listening... Its a hard road, but God is indeed faithful and I know He won't ever leave me. And eventually He will help me understand why some of these things have had to go to the dogs.... Sometimes you just have to let things die.. and I hadn't done that in a particular situation.. And I know now that I should have loooooooooong time ago. But there was a life lesson in this one..

I can honestly say that I am in the process of understanding and learning and I am glad that the last half of it is almost done.... I am thankful to family and friends who have kept my feet to the fire and didn't let me give up on it too soon. I love you all..

More of this season to come,

Jenn

My Interview By Chosen Vessel

2007-07-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

This interview is really neat. You actually find out alot about a person just from a few questions... I have been interviewed by Chosen Vessel and here are the results.....

1. If an Angel from Heaven visited you and said I will grant you 3 prayers that would be answered immediately, what would your 3 prayer request be?

These are tough choices, but here goes... the first one would that my nephew's tumor disappears so that he doesn't have to have surgery next weekend. We are doing a 72 hr prayer for him. We are asking for a complete healing for Ethan. He is ten years old. Second prayer request would be that everyone I have connected with learn to fall in love with Jesus OVER AND OVER AND OVER again just because of who He is...And last but not least, third prayer request would have to be that my parents were allowed 7 hrs of earth time to see and hold their eight grandchildren.

2. What is the one thing you are most grateful for?
I am most grateful for the wise daughter that the Lord has given me in "D". She is soooo smart and is always teaching mommy how to be patient and that Jesus will work it out... :) Children are a true, true blessing from God.

3. What is your favorite Bible verse?
You know, there are soo many but this one is my fav as of yet: 2 Corinthians 12:9 (For My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness)... What He has given to overcome that season we are in, His grace...not ours is enough.... Love it...

4. Back in the days, what is something "uncharacteristic" that you did that would shock most people?

Oh wow !!! 'Bout to share something that I am beginning to understand is part of my testimony. I charged alot of duckets on my father's credit card (I was 20 and my mother passed 2 yrs before)and almost went to jail because of course I wasn't authorized to use it... Didn't know that was my way of being mad that he signed paperwork to take my mother off the breathing machine. I truly didn't know who I was and was mad at the world including my father for taking who I thought I needed the most... But, I needed Jesus more and I am honored to know that He still loves inspite of 1997.

5. What is the least favorite thing about yourself? My smile. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I lost alot of calcium from my teeth and have yet to get my teeth fixed... That is a work in progress... So, if you ever seen my pictures, I rarely smile....

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Their eyes. I can tell alot about a person thru their eyes.

7. Before you got Sisterlocks, what was your favorite hair style to wear?
Oh my goodness, if it wasn't my fro, it was my two strand twist out fro !!!!
(I wish I could find my "bs" (before sisterlocks) pixs. I will try and track them down and post them....

**** Remember you must post your interview. ****

1. If you want to be interviewed, send me a comment and put in the comment "Interview Me".

2. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

3. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five-seven questions.

Blogs from Myspace...

2007-07-06T12:55:00.000-05:00

Since I blog just about everywhere... I am officially home on blogger... Here is one of my favorites...... from my "myspace".. Enjoy....

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Breakthrough 2007

Well, another full week of the first month of the year has gone by and we have fasted and prayed again. But for what? To get a car, house, etc.? Or was it to come out of your comfort zone and minister to someone else by your walk?During this year of Solemn Assembly (the first full week of the year the church I attend takes a week of giving up an evening meal and TV or any other distractions to come to the Lord serious to hear His voice and project to the Lord what you would like to see Him do in your life for the year.), I have come to know the Lord in a different manner like no other... And I appreciate being able to go to the Father at any given time because I can and that He wants me to..He came to me in love while discipling me and growing me for the next spiritual war yet to come.. I was able to hear His voice with much clarity because I removed the things that could cause a distraction to me..I closed my ears, mind and soul to those things that are not of God so that I could sit at the feet of my Jesus so that He could prepare for the things ahead..

Yes, I asked for a few things. But mainly I wanted to be infused with a passion for the kingdom soooo intense that I just cannot shake it to minister to others like myself to bring them closer to Christ.. I want to be able to share my testimony with others so that I can help them be healed of whatever it is they are trying to overcome.That means me coming out of my "I can't do that" closet. And truly giving everything I have to Him, as scared as I may be. I have to get over "everything isn't going to go Jenn's way".

****I have to be totally committed to the one who paid a debt that He didn't owe..So, please be in prayer for me that I listen to the Lord as He instructs me down the path I need to go for the kingdom and learn that patience truly is a virtue.. ****

AND...OBEDIENCE IS BETTER THAN SACRIFICE !!!

So Much To Say...

2007-07-06T10:47:00.001-05:00

Yet I can't put into words how I really feel about my life at this point.... I have my wonderful "rainbow" days and then I have those I want to "crawl under a rock" kinda days.... I know that life is that way, I understand that things happen for a reason and I also understand that we have to allow the Lord to change, mold, shape and groom us one way or the other.. I prefer His way vs. mine only because I am tooo terrified to not be obedient...

But I guess my question is, why is being obedient sooo hard to do at times? Is it because it won't make sense to no one else but the Lord? People will think that I have lost ALL of my natural mind? I won't be accepted in my realm of loved ones? I don't know. What I do know is that there is a hidden courage that stirs up in me to do what the Lord has given me. Based on my conversations plus tears with the Lord... The only one that will truly ever understand me is the Lord.. The one who can heal ALL of my hurts and pains is the Lord....

At this point in my life, I am feeling all kinds of crazy things..... My emotions are just haywire.. I am scared, terrified even, angry, slightly depressed and just ready to throw my hands up.. But, in my heart, my spirit...... I know I must finish my race.... I cannot give up when I am not that far from the finish line...... There was a song introduced to the dance ministry I belong to and some of the words from the song are: But I will run 'til I finish...... I have made up mind, I don't have much time.... but I will run 'til I finish...

This journey is hard, long (depending on the season) and well worth every ounce of sweat, every tear, every smile. Lord right now I give you all that I have and I want you to use it for Your glory... Let Your perfect will be done in the lives of everyone that is connected to me... I love you enough to make me "perfect" in Your sight..... I love you Lord.......

Believing the victory is already won,

Jenn

Musically...

2007-07-03T11:06:00.000-05:00

I have added a playlist of songs that can somewhat describe where I am in my walk with Jesus.. I pray that the words of one of the songs ministers to you and or your trial... Love ya :)

*** I took off the music due to the different changes going on in my life right now. And I cannot pinpoint what is my theme***

Amazing...

2007-07-03T09:35:00.000-05:00

I am amazed truly how things you read confirm things that the Lord gives you.... :) I was reading a blog just yesterday and it blessed my heart so because one of the questions I asked the Lord, He gave me an answer thru the blog I was reading..... On Sunday, I went to visit my "Big Brother's" church and a received a RHEMA word regarding my very situation !!!... The Spirit of the living God showed up and didn't leave. All of my requests I had made known to the Lord and He answered.... Sometimes we get too caught up in, " I want right now answers, Lord. And I am sure that sometimes God looks at us and shakes His head saying, "In due time(season)"...

My family's favorite scripture is Jeremiah 29:11, which says... "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.... The God we serve created us each sooooooo unqiue and in His image that what is for you.... is just for you (only). And no one can't take it from you...

As you get time to have your intimate fellowship with God, try to hear that still voice and allow Him to give you what you need. So that you can be a true servant for Him to others who just might need your words and act of kindness that day......

Ok..

2007-07-02T09:15:00.000-05:00

Its been awhile since I have blogged, I have been reading other blogs and I felt it was time to get started again... Quite a bit is going on in my world right now, but God is good all of the time. And I know He continually showers me with grace daily....

I am not the best at everything I do, but I am a "W.I.P."(a Work In Progress). I am amazed at how wonderful and amazing the Lord is... During this season in my life, I am learning how to truly trust Him with everything down to how much gas I have in my car or the amount of clothes I have, or better yet how much moolah I have in my pocket. I am thankful that I am not too proud to ask for help.. Only after I have talked to Him.... :)

Over the course of almost 2 months, I have asked the Lord to show me people's spirits and hearts for Him.. And gradually He is showing me. I am in awe because the people that I requested this of from the Lord, are people that I have trusted with my life and well being.... and I am just amazed at where they stand when it comes to certain circumstances and situations. And I pray that I don't have a "cocky" attitude thinking I am right in whatever situation it is along with those I have prayed for. I am truly learning how to be blind to myself and lean wholeheartedly on the Lord for EVERYTHING.....

I have also come to learn that everyone you think "has your back", doesn't. Everyone around you doesn't want you to succeed in all that you do... You have to be careful who you give your heart and business to.....

Thank you Lord for family (my sisters and big brother) and true friends ( Shee Shee, Q, CeeCee) that are only looking out for my best interest thru your perfect will for my life.. I am honored and forever priviledged to be called your daughter...

Resting in you,

Jenn Jenn