So Much To Say...

Yet I can't put into words how I really feel about my life at this point.... I have my wonderful "rainbow" days and then I have those I want to "crawl under a rock" kinda days.... I know that life is that way, I understand that things happen for a reason and I also understand that we have to allow the Lord to change, mold, shape and groom us one way or the other.. I prefer His way vs. mine only because I am tooo terrified to not be obedient...

But I guess my question is, why is being obedient sooo hard to do at times? Is it because it won't make sense to no one else but the Lord? People will think that I have lost ALL of my natural mind? I won't be accepted in my realm of loved ones? I don't know. What I do know is that there is a hidden courage that stirs up in me to do what the Lord has given me. Based on my conversations plus tears with the Lord... The only one that will truly ever understand me is the Lord.. The one who can heal ALL of my hurts and pains is the Lord....

At this point in my life, I am feeling all kinds of crazy things..... My emotions are just haywire.. I am scared, terrified even, angry, slightly depressed and just ready to throw my hands up.. But, in my heart, my spirit...... I know I must finish my race.... I cannot give up when I am not that far from the finish line...... There was a song introduced to the dance ministry I belong to and some of the words from the song are: But I will run 'til I finish...... I have made up mind, I don't have much time.... but I will run 'til I finish...

This journey is hard, long (depending on the season) and well worth every ounce of sweat, every tear, every smile. Lord right now I give you all that I have and I want you to use it for Your glory... Let Your perfect will be done in the lives of everyone that is connected to me... I love you enough to make me "perfect" in Your sight..... I love you Lord.......

Believing the victory is already won,

Jenn