And Again It Starts...

You know, all of those mixed emotions that can either take you down or make you stronger... I am in the final stages of permanently seperating from my first love and even though this is has been one wild ride, the seatbelt isn't enough right now to hold me down and keep my heart safe.

Let's go thru all of the emotions shall we?

1. Angry - I am tired of everyone that has had comments speaking to me like they have lived where I have in this season and act like that there is just one side to this story. I didn't ask for this. I am like Rissa some marriages were doomed to fail from the get go....To me (and a few others), JD saw a cinderella story, I saw work .... When work got too hard, he quit and ran.. And he wants everyone to rally behind him to make me break. In previous posts, I have stated that I do know (and realize) nothing is too big or too hard for God. I know He can change anything, but that person who is "calling" out to the Master, needs to want it wholeheartedly (and sincerely) in their heart before anything will begin to move.

2. Sad- Again, I didn't want this, however.... *standing on a soapbox to be seen* my relationship with Jesus is FAR more important.. downright crucial to maintain than any other relationship at this point in my life... My heart is heavy because I know JD is a good man and can be whatever the Lord has called him to be. I know he can do what he sets his mind to and be successful. (too much like right)and I know I have been created to be a wife, mother, and all of that jazz... And right now, it seems to be not in the cards for Jenn.

3. Frustrated and Annoyed - I don't know why folks seem to think that because I have a "history" with them, that I should follow them to the lake of fire.... Are you kidding? My relationships with anyone else has nothing to do with the relationship at the forefront. I understand receiving Godly advice, wisdom and what have you... But, come on.. that is just another way to bully me. Not !!!!

4. Scared - I don't know what lies ahead, but you know what???? I have never been this close to the Lord and I don't intend on "joshin' it " up now. I am determined not to lose my Daddy in the midst of emotional baggage and unecessary dramatics. I have to be at my best for my daughter as well as for my family. The only way to do is that to battle with every single emotion and feeling that pops up. I am terrified, but I know I am safe in the arms of Jesus. That is why Psalms 91 rings true for me.

I eventually will come out of this sucky world, I don't like the feeling of it now, but I have learned that the sucky parts are for the peachy parts of your life.

I love every single one of you who keep up with me.

***I know I should blog more *** :)

Jenn