The Finale (Whew...Pt. 5)

Ok... so somewhere in the midst of the final preparations and the actual covenant made, there were of course the disagreements and discussions. And they weren't always between JD and I. He wouldn't talk to me unless someone had given him some kind of idea of what to say and how to say it.... That is how it was perceived by me. And the crazy part about that is, I wasn't the only one who noticed it. Plenty of people who knew him (us) can vouch for this. This has become one of the major issues of our marital lives. It would seem that JD wouldn't act on anything unless instructed... HUH? Come again? You aren't serious, are you Jenn? I know thats what you want to ask. And the answer is yes I am serious....
I know here again men are a little slower than women, but how often are you going to let someone else feed you "how you feel"? How do you let someone dictate your moves? You would get tired of that after a while, right? Oh my bad.. I forgot that's what makes you feel better... Someone babying you... Wow... Ain't gonna be able to do it. I am not saying that you shouldn't love on your hubby and want to do things for him. But to do everything almost including wiping his butt because he's not that type of guy to compromise slightly??????... Not my cup of tea.
Unless you are sick, I wouldn't mind, but other than that... Nope...I need to see you wanting to excel and see the progress of you wanting what's yours. Sorry if that was too explicit. I am just stating how I feel.

Ok, so by this time its pretty far along into the covenant, when JD just decided it seems like to do whatever makes him feel good. No matter the effect on his wife and the child. And wants me to be ok with it. I have yet to be that wonderfully talented to hide how I feel. So, I was used to getting the question posed to me, "Are you mad at me?" My answer would be: I am not mad at you, just disappointed with your actions... And then the conversation would begin and decisions would be made to fix the issue and wipe the slate clean.... Well, not even a couple of days would go by and the same "stuff" we would talk about would surface again. After a couple of the issues resurfaced about 5 or 6 times... I needed a timeout permanently. I couldn't believe that these same issues continued to laugh in face. And all the while one of the parentals and siblings was right according to JD.... ***head spinning*** I know it takes alot of patience, endurance, and stamina to be married....but, I wasn't going to kill myself trying to please JD and miss out on pleasing the Lord.....

At this point, I have yet to see how he is trying to make things work for "his" family. And making decisions without thinking about the consequences just to please folk doesn't work either. That only back fires.... :)And I am not saying I have been wonderful through this process, I know there are quite a few things I needed to work on. And I tried my best. But, you feel I am intimidated. And if your decision is to choose your parental guiders over me. Have at it. I am saying that I expect more than I was given. Seeing as how we are the ones that got hitched with Jesus and no one else is part of the equation. And it just amazes me that I get the leftovers from everything. Yes everything. Remember in one of my entries, I was telling you about the relationship before ours? That's one where I saw a transformation in him take place that was phenomenal. But as soon as that died, I got the trash left behind. I am worth more than that. And I am now on the path of allowing Jesus to be my husband, father, brother, mentor, and father to my daughter....


There is quite a bit more that I could disclose to you, but I won't until the time is right. I thank you for allowing me to vent and express myself. I appreciate the opportunity.