Whew (Oh Lord)....Pt 4

***Let me just tell you that I am thankful for grace and the everlasting arm of the Lord.*** Ok.... I am ready to finish this..........

So, after major fasting, prayer, crying, giggling..I thought I heard the Lord when He told me that is was the right thing to do in marrying JD. I thought so at the time.... Then preparations began. I asked specifically if this wasn't supposed to come to pass, show me.... I guess I was not on the same wavelength with the Lord because there were entirely too many red flags flying directly in my face.... No, I take that back, I did hear the Lord. I heard clearly to move forward. And so, I did. And as most of us would do who know Jesus, we constantly ask those nerve wretching, unending questions.. are you sure? is this really going to happen? if it is, show me... The first time the Lord gives you any kind of sign, PLEASE....PLEASE.... adhere to it. You may find yourself in not soo much mayhem if you would listen... ;)
My "not listening" antics were because the Lord was trying to prove a point to me. And boy did I get it... The point was to trust me with your life before you give it to a human. I didn't do that. I am still feeling the affects of that decision.

Anyhoo,
Here again I am not saying that JD is a horrible person. I am just saying that too much confusion, heartache and pain can lead someone down the road towards having a mental breakdown. It seemed like the more I tried to keep my mouth shut about things, the worse things got. Now, we as women sometimes don't need to voice our opinion, and then there are designated times when we should. I was trying to respect my husband's decisions all the while rolling my eyes into the back of my head, practically biting my tongue off after decisions have been made that I just thought were plain stupid. I had to respect him... I tried ya'll, I really did. I tried to put myself in his shoes.(Which were tooooooo big for me to fill, by the way)..Tried thinking like he did... Now, that made my head hurt. I didn't want that position anymore. I didn't want to make all of the decisions. It's supposed to be a team effort, right? Something close to 50/50, right? I'll take you're wrong for $500, Alex???
See? There I go again, thinking outside of him.

Somehow between disagreements and battles, I ended up becoming head of the house.... BUZZ !!!! Wrong answer, I wanted to help not take over... Oh, I forgot...that's what you are use to...so you wanted me to continue that tradition... NOT !!! I wasn't about to do that.. I love Jesus too much... And I refuse to be out of order and backwards because you won't do right.